So...today while I was driving to work, I was doing my typically thing. I like to look at others while they drive. It is funny to see how many people pick their noise, text while driving, put on makeup, and...I even saw a women curl her hair. While all of this puts me in a good mood, I was uncharacteristically unhappy today.
My unhappiness came from having to look at all of the ugly people that I was passing while driving. I kid you not...I passed 8 men who had mountain men goatees. Do you know what I am talking about? These are the type of goatees that are never shaven. They are bushy and I am certain that flies live inside of them. What the Crack!!! Why would anyone want one of those. As I passed each person, I thought to myself..."Why do you have a mountain man goatee. You do not live in the mountains, but the city. Shave that thing off!"
As I continued to work, I noticed another person who had weird facial hair. They had the kind of facial hair where is is grown in patches. The odd thing was that I could not tell what gender this person was. Here's a hint...if people can not tell what gender you are...you should not have facial hair.
This leads me to the title of this rant...The Gift. I have decided to go by a new name. No longer shall I be called I Am King, but rather The Gift. I realized today while driving to work that I am a Gift.
Everyday, I awake and make a good attempt to put myself together. Sometimes I miss the mark and I don't look as good as I should (this is a rare occasion), but I always make an attempt. With all of the ugly people in the world, I have decided that I am a Gift to the world. A Gift of beauty, awesomeness, one whom others are jealous of (one of my main goals in life), and yes...very self aware.
This brings me to one of the goals of the foundation 10,000 Strong. Please help us by combs for the ugly by donating $1 today. This can be done through Pay pal to todaysrant@gmail.com.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Drunken Fireman, Prosititues, and the Annual 4th of July Parade
My wife and I were going through our pictures on our digital camera today. We saw pictures from last summer and were reminiscing about a past family trip. Then we came across pictures from the town's 4th of July parade. There were the cheerleaders cheering their way down the street. The 4h ridding their horses, lots and lots of old cars and fire engines. Then something that surprised me a bit.
In the town that I grew up, the fireman always walked the parade while they drank beer. Now I am not sure what kind of message this has (other than the fireman are fat and drunk). Last year though...the fireman followed the local D.A.R.E truck. Yes, the one govermenental progam that teaches kids to not drink, smoke, and do drugs. I thought that it was kinda ironic that the ones who in this community should represent not being drunken slobs were walking the parade route following the one thing that they should be supporting.
Later on in the parade, I was surprised by one more thing (not that I should be surprised). Now I have to disclose...In this community, it provides anyone with the opportunity to advertise. This parade did not discriminate.
All of the sudden, out of nowhere, there was the float with the city Prostitutes handing out candy to the children. What the CRACK?!@$!@$? Does no one in this community think that there is something wrong with this?
As I have blogged before...these Prostitues are not the type of women you see shakin' their rumps in a Jay Z video. They are ugly, nasty, disgusting women who look like they have worked really, really, really hard in their lives.
Needless to say...some communities are just so jacked up! To think that it is socially acceptable to have the drunken fire fighters promoting drinking, and the Prosititues ridding a float with a big sign on the side of it....it tells me how dumb some people are!
In the town that I grew up, the fireman always walked the parade while they drank beer. Now I am not sure what kind of message this has (other than the fireman are fat and drunk). Last year though...the fireman followed the local D.A.R.E truck. Yes, the one govermenental progam that teaches kids to not drink, smoke, and do drugs. I thought that it was kinda ironic that the ones who in this community should represent not being drunken slobs were walking the parade route following the one thing that they should be supporting.
Later on in the parade, I was surprised by one more thing (not that I should be surprised). Now I have to disclose...In this community, it provides anyone with the opportunity to advertise. This parade did not discriminate.
All of the sudden, out of nowhere, there was the float with the city Prostitutes handing out candy to the children. What the CRACK?!@$!@$? Does no one in this community think that there is something wrong with this?
As I have blogged before...these Prostitues are not the type of women you see shakin' their rumps in a Jay Z video. They are ugly, nasty, disgusting women who look like they have worked really, really, really hard in their lives.
Needless to say...some communities are just so jacked up! To think that it is socially acceptable to have the drunken fire fighters promoting drinking, and the Prosititues ridding a float with a big sign on the side of it....it tells me how dumb some people are!
Making Out
Okay...my wife and I were making out today and I had this realization. After being married for 11 years, I can not remember the time when we last made out. Now...my definition of making out is kissing, but not leading to sexytime. Kissing that leads to sexytime is forplay.
So...as we were making out, I stopped and asked my wife when the last time we made out was? We both responded by saying that it was when we were engaged. In the back of my dads truck by a lake. I think we both realized that now that we are married if we madeout, then we should go all the way.
The morale of the story is making out should happen much more. Its fun...even if it does not go all the way!
So...as we were making out, I stopped and asked my wife when the last time we made out was? We both responded by saying that it was when we were engaged. In the back of my dads truck by a lake. I think we both realized that now that we are married if we madeout, then we should go all the way.
The morale of the story is making out should happen much more. Its fun...even if it does not go all the way!
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Forgive Me...Ads Now On Today's Daily Rant
Okay...I oculd not resist the opportunity to make some money. That being said, I have added Ads to the site. Get this....everytime you click on the add, I get paid. So....please take a moment to click on an add when you get done reading. Thanks!
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
This Economy SUCKS!!!
What is up with the people of the world today. Not only were there so many selfish idiots who due to their selfishness have ruined our economy, but now no one will donate to our foundation.
I get that there are those who are unemployed. I get that there are many out there who were morons and bought homes that they could not afford (oh...Mr. Banker man, I think it is a good idea to buy a home with 0 down and that is a variable rate...just as long as I get my trophy house and I can look good to my friends). But what about me and my plastic surgeon.
I am personally offended that there are so many stupid people in the world. I am offended that because of them, my potential donors no longer have the funds to donate to the foundation. Because of this...I am afraid that I may not be able to get my plastic surgery.
If you are able...please donate today! Let's not see another person lose their job...my plastic surgeon needs my business. DON'T DELAY!
I get that there are those who are unemployed. I get that there are many out there who were morons and bought homes that they could not afford (oh...Mr. Banker man, I think it is a good idea to buy a home with 0 down and that is a variable rate...just as long as I get my trophy house and I can look good to my friends). But what about me and my plastic surgeon.
I am personally offended that there are so many stupid people in the world. I am offended that because of them, my potential donors no longer have the funds to donate to the foundation. Because of this...I am afraid that I may not be able to get my plastic surgery.
If you are able...please donate today! Let's not see another person lose their job...my plastic surgeon needs my business. DON'T DELAY!
Okay...on Sunday, I finally caved and joined Facebook. I have never really been a fan of social networking sites. However...with the many people that I am connecting with from my past, I found this to be a great opportunity to promote the foundation.
For those who are new to this blog, there are two purposes for my writting. The first one is to raise money for my foundation 10,000. The entire premise behind this is to raise $10,000 to go towards two causes that the foundation has identified as needs in our world.
The first, healing the world. Of what you might say...UGLYINESS. 99.99% of ugliness can be healed through a good combing of the hair. So please help us buy combs for the ugly. .05% of all proceeds will go towards buying combs for the ugly (and the administration cost associated). The remaining funds will go towards our second cause. My unnecesary required plastic surgery. I need calf implants in the worst kind of a way.
Please donate today! I am affraid that if we do not raise the money, the ugly will have to continue looking ugly (and having low self esteem), and I might have to do those annoying and painful exercises to increase my calf hotness.
Remember our slogan...Its All For The Children!
For those who are new to this blog, there are two purposes for my writting. The first one is to raise money for my foundation 10,000. The entire premise behind this is to raise $10,000 to go towards two causes that the foundation has identified as needs in our world.
The first, healing the world. Of what you might say...UGLYINESS. 99.99% of ugliness can be healed through a good combing of the hair. So please help us buy combs for the ugly. .05% of all proceeds will go towards buying combs for the ugly (and the administration cost associated). The remaining funds will go towards our second cause. My unnecesary required plastic surgery. I need calf implants in the worst kind of a way.
Please donate today! I am affraid that if we do not raise the money, the ugly will have to continue looking ugly (and having low self esteem), and I might have to do those annoying and painful exercises to increase my calf hotness.
Remember our slogan...Its All For The Children!
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Recent Trip Back Home
Recently...I had the great opportunity to travel back to my home town and help a good friend of mine. While I was only there four about 24 hours, I noticed many things that made me pause and say WHAT THE FREAKEDY FREAK ARE THESE PEOPLE THINKING. This is the same town that I have written before in this blog. That being said...let's begin.
#1 Crazy Observation: I could not resit to drive around downtown and take a look at the red light district. To my surprise, there was a new brothel opened. It looked just a step up from the trail park brothel that is across the street from this one. What I found funny is that there was a giant banner out in front. It ready "Laddies Welcome." WHAT THE CRACK??? I guess in a contracting economy, the Whores need to diversify themselves and offer services to both genders. Could you image that staff meeting when the madam came out to tell the Whores that they would now be servicing women. LOVE IT!!!
There was one other thing that caught my eye. On the front door, there was the typical sign that had the hours of operation. But, this sign was different from those that you typically see. It also stated if before 11:00 a.m., please call 999-999-9999 (number changed for the protection of the community of shame and of course the Whores). This astonished me. So...if I can't wait to get my fix, I can all this number and they will rush a Whore out? Why don't they just have a 1-800 number like 1-800-Whore. Oh...there's not enough letters.
#2 Crazy Observation: This community has the nicest homeless shelter I have ever seen (or at least what should become one). There was a local moron who decided to build a hotel. What is interesting about this hotel (which looks very nice) is that the front door butts up to the side (metal side I may add) of the local grocery store. Not only does this seem insane, but it was built in the parking lot of the grocery store. It looks ridiculous. That being said, the moron builder ran out of money (because in this community there are many who do not know how to forecast costs of a project, and stay within a budget). So now, the building is fenced off a with those types of fences that are held down with cinder blocks (at least until the wind blows). I think that this would make for a very nice homeless shelter. It would have easy access, and could give each homeless person their own room. Or...it would be the nicest Whore house in the community. Hmmmm.....
#3 Crazy Observation: Whenever you put up a sign...make sure it is spelled correctly. I saw a sign that was posted with our new President's name on it. Mind you...they spelled it Obomo. Hmmmmm.....That says it all. Now I am not the greatest speller. But, come on...its our President!
Anyway...it was a great trip and I loved going back. Not only to visit my good friends, but also finding these Nuggets of Joy to share with each of you. The only downside was that no one welcomed me with the praise that I deserve and my own challis.
#1 Crazy Observation: I could not resit to drive around downtown and take a look at the red light district. To my surprise, there was a new brothel opened. It looked just a step up from the trail park brothel that is across the street from this one. What I found funny is that there was a giant banner out in front. It ready "Laddies Welcome." WHAT THE CRACK??? I guess in a contracting economy, the Whores need to diversify themselves and offer services to both genders. Could you image that staff meeting when the madam came out to tell the Whores that they would now be servicing women. LOVE IT!!!
There was one other thing that caught my eye. On the front door, there was the typical sign that had the hours of operation. But, this sign was different from those that you typically see. It also stated if before 11:00 a.m., please call 999-999-9999 (number changed for the protection of the community of shame and of course the Whores). This astonished me. So...if I can't wait to get my fix, I can all this number and they will rush a Whore out? Why don't they just have a 1-800 number like 1-800-Whore. Oh...there's not enough letters.
#2 Crazy Observation: This community has the nicest homeless shelter I have ever seen (or at least what should become one). There was a local moron who decided to build a hotel. What is interesting about this hotel (which looks very nice) is that the front door butts up to the side (metal side I may add) of the local grocery store. Not only does this seem insane, but it was built in the parking lot of the grocery store. It looks ridiculous. That being said, the moron builder ran out of money (because in this community there are many who do not know how to forecast costs of a project, and stay within a budget). So now, the building is fenced off a with those types of fences that are held down with cinder blocks (at least until the wind blows). I think that this would make for a very nice homeless shelter. It would have easy access, and could give each homeless person their own room. Or...it would be the nicest Whore house in the community. Hmmmm.....
#3 Crazy Observation: Whenever you put up a sign...make sure it is spelled correctly. I saw a sign that was posted with our new President's name on it. Mind you...they spelled it Obomo. Hmmmmm.....That says it all. Now I am not the greatest speller. But, come on...its our President!
Anyway...it was a great trip and I loved going back. Not only to visit my good friends, but also finding these Nuggets of Joy to share with each of you. The only downside was that no one welcomed me with the praise that I deserve and my own challis.
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