Friday, March 13, 2009

In Memorium...WHAT THE CRACK!#@%@$#?

Today, I was driving behind a 1980 Chevolet Caprice. I found it interesting that this giant piece of Crap still was functioning, and that it had one of those stickers in the window that said In Memorium of....some person. WHAT THE CRACK????

I see these type of stickers all over the place. Why would you want to say that your car is in memory of someone who died? Did that dead person buy you that car? Maybe in a rare instance, but with the giant piece of Crap that I was following today, I don't think that they should have put that sticker on their car. They are doing no good for the dead person they are memorizing. Think about it...would you want someone who drives a crapy car memorializing you on it?

So...I am putting out a plea to the masses...stop doing this! It is stupid, no one cares, and you look like a tool!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

The Gift........ while I was driving to work, I was doing my typically thing. I like to look at others while they drive. It is funny to see how many people pick their noise, text while driving, put on makeup, and...I even saw a women curl her hair. While all of this puts me in a good mood, I was uncharacteristically unhappy today.

My unhappiness came from having to look at all of the ugly people that I was passing while driving. I kid you not...I passed 8 men who had mountain men goatees. Do you know what I am talking about? These are the type of goatees that are never shaven. They are bushy and I am certain that flies live inside of them. What the Crack!!! Why would anyone want one of those. As I passed each person, I thought to myself..."Why do you have a mountain man goatee. You do not live in the mountains, but the city. Shave that thing off!"

As I continued to work, I noticed another person who had weird facial hair. They had the kind of facial hair where is is grown in patches. The odd thing was that I could not tell what gender this person was. Here's a hint...if people can not tell what gender you should not have facial hair.

This leads me to the title of this rant...The Gift. I have decided to go by a new name. No longer shall I be called I Am King, but rather The Gift. I realized today while driving to work that I am a Gift.

Everyday, I awake and make a good attempt to put myself together. Sometimes I miss the mark and I don't look as good as I should (this is a rare occasion), but I always make an attempt. With all of the ugly people in the world, I have decided that I am a Gift to the world. A Gift of beauty, awesomeness, one whom others are jealous of (one of my main goals in life), and yes...very self aware.

This brings me to one of the goals of the foundation 10,000 Strong. Please help us by combs for the ugly by donating $1 today. This can be done through Pay pal to

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Drunken Fireman, Prosititues, and the Annual 4th of July Parade

My wife and I were going through our pictures on our digital camera today. We saw pictures from last summer and were reminiscing about a past family trip. Then we came across pictures from the town's 4th of July parade. There were the cheerleaders cheering their way down the street. The 4h ridding their horses, lots and lots of old cars and fire engines. Then something that surprised me a bit.

In the town that I grew up, the fireman always walked the parade while they drank beer. Now I am not sure what kind of message this has (other than the fireman are fat and drunk). Last year though...the fireman followed the local D.A.R.E truck. Yes, the one govermenental progam that teaches kids to not drink, smoke, and do drugs. I thought that it was kinda ironic that the ones who in this community should represent not being drunken slobs were walking the parade route following the one thing that they should be supporting.

Later on in the parade, I was surprised by one more thing (not that I should be surprised). Now I have to disclose...In this community, it provides anyone with the opportunity to advertise. This parade did not discriminate.

All of the sudden, out of nowhere, there was the float with the city Prostitutes handing out candy to the children. What the CRACK?!@$!@$? Does no one in this community think that there is something wrong with this?

As I have blogged before...these Prostitues are not the type of women you see shakin' their rumps in a Jay Z video. They are ugly, nasty, disgusting women who look like they have worked really, really, really hard in their lives.

Needless to say...some communities are just so jacked up! To think that it is socially acceptable to have the drunken fire fighters promoting drinking, and the Prosititues ridding a float with a big sign on the side of tells me how dumb some people are!

Making Out wife and I were making out today and I had this realization. After being married for 11 years, I can not remember the time when we last made out. definition of making out is kissing, but not leading to sexytime. Kissing that leads to sexytime is forplay. we were making out, I stopped and asked my wife when the last time we made out was? We both responded by saying that it was when we were engaged. In the back of my dads truck by a lake. I think we both realized that now that we are married if we madeout, then we should go all the way.

The morale of the story is making out should happen much more. Its fun...even if it does not go all the way!