Saturday, December 6, 2008

Today at the Gym....Edicate Please!!!!

Definition: A Cougar is defined as an older women who dates younger men. An example: Demi Moore/Ashton Kutcher. A Couger + is one who is really old!!!

Today at the gym, I did my normal routine. I started with cardio (10 minutes on the stair stepper), lifted some wieghts, did my abs, and then I hit the sauna. At my gym, the sauna is in a common area where they have a wet and dry sauna, and a hot tub. I like the dry sauna because I can sweat (get skinny), clear my pours (get skinny), do more ab excercises (get skinny), stretch (get skinny) and then I get dressed.

Now both sauna's have glass doors. So anyone who is out at the hot tub can see in and view what your doing. So I was doing my normal routine in the sauna. I noticed that there was an old women out by the hot tub. I would periodically catch her looking at me. I can't blame her for this since again...I am an attractive person (at least in my own mind). When I got out of the sauna, I was feeling a bit dizzy. So I sat on a bench on the wall. Again...I caught this old women staring at me.

Now don't get me wrong....I have no problem with old women staring at me (it helps me build a greater confidence). After all....Cougars are in. But this women was a Cougar ++.

The morale of the story time you go to a gym, don't stare at the people who are working out. It just is not good edicate and it creeps people out!!!

Full Disclosure

Welcome friends, family, and those who want to read my daily rants. The sole purpose of this blog is for me to rant about the things I find funny, stupid, or just plain outrageous. more purpose...making a dream come true.

Have you ever wished upon a stra (yes...really a star) for something that you really wanted? Something you wanted so bad that you would begin a blog for that purpose. Well..that is what I am doing. Help a total stranger's dream come true. Donate to my cause...Plastic Surgery!

Okay...I know that you must be thinking WHAT!@$#%#$^???? No really, I am an attractive person (at least I think so), but like most people, I want to improve myself. Specifically, I want to improve my calf's. This might sound outrageous to want since I do go to the gym daily. But, I have no desire to do those annoying and painful exercises that would make my calf's become so big. So...I would rather go through a few days (or weeks) of pain so that I can obtain my ultimate vanity achievement.

So I am asking each of you to donate $1 to my cause. This should be done through Pay Pal to

Thanks for your support!

Britney on GMA

Did anyone see Britney on GMA this week? Okay...I couldn't resist setting my TiVo. Who could resits seeing a train wreck as it happens. Don't get me wrong, I love crazy Britney, but sometimes watching her is like seeing a car pulled over by the police and we all slow down to see what is going on.

In all fairness, her performance was great! So what if she walked through half the choreography and lip-synced most the notes...who cares? The overall performance quality of the production was an A+.

With that, I am sadden that we all may have seen the end of crazy Britney. After all, she seems to have shaped up her life. Not to mention that will the little that she wore for the GMA performance, we could all tell that she is much more fit that she was a year ago. I was so pleased...I could see THREE RIBS!!!! GO Britney!!!

Little Nuggets of Joy

Tis the season where many of us look for opportunities to do kind things for others, and when others do kind things for us. The spreading of kindness brings joy and happiness to many all around the world. I like to call such deads Nuggets of Joy.

I frequently am the recipient of Nuggets of Joy, and I do feel bless by this (okay...this is getting cheessy...keep reading). My Nuggets of Joy come from when someone does something kind, or when someone does something stupid that I can make fun of.

An example......

I was on my way to work a few days ago. Taking the same route I normally take, I know that there are area's where cops love to camp out and get those who speed. At one point in the road, it curves and immediately becomes a school zone.

I was traveling behind a vehicle that kept cutting me off, they almost hit a pedestrian, and was just about to incite road rage within me.

As we both traveled around this curve of the road, I (the one who travels it daily and oh...there are always multiple bike cops awaiting any speeders) slowed down. The Tool cut off another car and as I said to myself "where are the police?" That is when out of no where....da da da da...a bike cop PULLED OVER THE TOOL!

Now I know that this is a season for giving. So I want to say thank you to that Tool for giving me my daily Nugget of Joy!

10,000 Strong...Please Help Our Economy

We all know that the economy is in a tail spin. So why don't you do your part and contribute to a great cause. I am calling it 10,000 strong (My new charity). Yes...that's all I need to get my calf implants. Donate today through Pay Pal and feel good knowing that you have contributed to the economy, the end of our economic crisis, and the betterment of my looks.

Growing Up In A Small Town Part 1

I know that you all have been waiting for today's posting...especially since I gave you a teaser yesterday. I have decided to talk about my growing up in a small town as a mini series. Yes....just like on TV.

Part 1

I spent a good portion of my life in a small community. Growing up there was very rewarding and provided many opportunities that a large community would not have afforded me. That being said.....on with the RANT!

One of my favorite things about growing up in this particular small town was the fact that prostitution was legal. Yes...the worlds oldest profession that in most communities is shammed was legal in the community in which I grew up. In this backward community, it was not only legal, but many saw it as a rite of passage into adulthood. Yes, I knew many high school students whom when they turned the rite ole age of 18, their fathers (or male figures that their moms shacked up with) would take them down to the brothel.

So...the community had three brothels. What was best about them is that the town promoted as a tourist attraction a train. The train was great for families, old people, and all train enthusiasts. The train tracks ran right behind one of the brothels. As the train approached the brothel, the train engineer would whistle its horn signaling to the should I put it?....Well call them....women of the come out and wave to the train.

Now these were not the type of women you would see in a Jay-Z music video shaking their rumps. Yes, the women of the nightly were not very attractive. I guess lying on your back for a living does not promote good hygiene or beauty.

Another brothel had an interesting sign above the door. (Full Disclosure Time...I have never personally been into one of these brothels. However...I used to take my family and friends on tours of the town, and yes...the main attraction was the red light district). The sign that was posted directly above the ATM machine that was just outside the front door (not so sutle is it?) read "Now that you have had all the rest, come in for the best!" WHAT THE CRACK?!@$%^&?? I think this demonstrates the mentality of the industry.

At Christmas time...the community would show their true colors...literally. Just as most other communities, the town would get all decorated with a Santa in the town park, a Nativity, and Christmas lights criss crossing down Main street. The best part of the Christmas lights were the very last string. I bet you can not guess what color they were? RED! Now that is class!

Several years ago, there were a group of people who wanted to revers the law that made prostitution legal in this community. As one growing up there, I thought...okay...most people would oppose this because the topic is so taboo. No would would want to discuss it let along support it. NOT IN THIS COMMUNITY!!! I should have remembered that going to the brothel was a rite of passage for the men.

There were petitions in support of the Women of the night and brothels. Of course, the petition's were made public and reading them brought me many days full of Nuggets of Joy!

That may seem odd to hear, but it was amazing to see people whom you respected, whom were communities leaders sign their name in favor of a brothal!!! There was even a city counsel meeting where people actually stood up and expressed their support for the Women of the night and brothels.

So you may be curious as to what the brothels looked like. Like I said, I have not been in them, but I know people who have.

Apparently, there is a giant menu board of that are offered and their accompanying cost. Yes...a menu board like McDonald's. You can walk up to the bar, place your order, and one of the women of the night would take you back into the shadows of shame for servicing.

The brothels looked like a compound. They were surrounded by a giant concrete wall with ghetto single wide trailers. Now these were not new trailers, but rather those that were probably picked up from a junk yard that were destroyed (or what most would considered destroyed) by tornado's. I am certain that if you even steeped into one of these trailers, you would immediately get a disease. I guess it is HARD to care when you are ummm.....getting serviced.

Needless to say...nothing has changed. It amazes me that something that again is so taboo to discuss (except of course on my blog), something so backwards, oppressive, and just plain discussing would still be legal today.

Oh a happier note...We should all be grateful for those who are supporting the local women of the night. After all, with an economy in the dumps, no one would want to see these poor girls out of work, not using the skills that they have perfected.