Now that I have decided that I need to have plastic surgery, I am conflicted about whether or not to proceed. I recently began thinking about after I die what will become of my hotness. Sure, anything that I put into my body that is plastic will take much longer to decompose. But, we all die and our spirits (that look just like us...even after plastic surgery) goes to heaven.
So...If my plastic surgery sprit goes to heaven, I'm affraid that God won't recognize me. I ask myself, "Will he let me in?" I mean, I would technically be the same person inside...but a lot hotter on the outside.
Your thoughts????
Saturday, January 23, 2010
AHHH....I Feel So FAT
I just finished lunch (I had 4 Ritz crackers) and I feel so fat. This is probably because I had 4 verses 3 crackers.
Anyway...this is one of the reasons why I need plastic surgery. Bring on the Lipo!
I know that there are many out there who would question why I would want Lipo. After all, most of us have watched the procedure on the Discovery, or TLC channels. It does not look like a procedure that one would want to do. But for me...I want to be hot!
Why should I have to suffer by only seeing 3 1/2 ribs. I want to see all 6! If I have to suffer through a rod being shoved up my abdominal cavity and have all of my fat sucked out, I am all for it to look HOT!
Anyway...this is one of the reasons why I need plastic surgery. Bring on the Lipo!
I know that there are many out there who would question why I would want Lipo. After all, most of us have watched the procedure on the Discovery, or TLC channels. It does not look like a procedure that one would want to do. But for me...I want to be hot!
Why should I have to suffer by only seeing 3 1/2 ribs. I want to see all 6! If I have to suffer through a rod being shoved up my abdominal cavity and have all of my fat sucked out, I am all for it to look HOT!
Monday, January 4, 2010
Messages of Hope...
I never understood why people put messages of hope on their cars let alone messages that they can wear. Frequently, I see a scripture of something like that on t-shirts. The other day, I saw a t-shirt that said "blessed are those who are humble." Since I am not the most humble person, I thought that I should have a t-shirt that said..."Blessed are those who are stupid who put stupid sayings on their shirts."
That would also go well with my own 10 commandments.
1. Thou shalt not be stupid and put stupid things on your shirts.
2. Thou shalt be awesome.
3. Thous shalt not be ugly.
4. Thou shalt wax any part of the body that is unnecessarily hairy.
5. Thou shalt not wear collegiate wear as your daily wardrobe.
6. Thou shalt not expose your crack (I'll discuss this later).
7. Thou shalt look in the mirror before you leave the house.
8. Thou shalt not wear mid-drifts if you have had a c-section/any body fat that would hang out.
9. Thou shalt give to the children (i.e. my charity...for more explanation read the earlier posts).
10. Thou shalt recognize my greatness and praise "The Gift."
That would also go well with my own 10 commandments.
1. Thou shalt not be stupid and put stupid things on your shirts.
2. Thou shalt be awesome.
3. Thous shalt not be ugly.
4. Thou shalt wax any part of the body that is unnecessarily hairy.
5. Thou shalt not wear collegiate wear as your daily wardrobe.
6. Thou shalt not expose your crack (I'll discuss this later).
7. Thou shalt look in the mirror before you leave the house.
8. Thou shalt not wear mid-drifts if you have had a c-section/any body fat that would hang out.
9. Thou shalt give to the children (i.e. my charity...for more explanation read the earlier posts).
10. Thou shalt recognize my greatness and praise "The Gift."
Other Peoples New Year's Resolutions...What's Up Phatties
Okay...let's all be honest with each other. We all overate during the holidays and became FAT! Now that we have gotten that off our chests, on with the Rant!
I was at my home...the house of ego (i.e. the gym) on New Years day, and you could tell who had the resolution of de-fatting themselves. I love seeing all of the people out there who make this a New Year's resolution. Its not hard to spot them...they are overweight (generally) and they have a really neat new workout outfit.
Now don't get me wrong...I totally support those who want/need to lose weight. What I have to laugh about is why would you buy a new workout outfit (which in most cases hugs the butt to tight) when you know you won't see it through. Yes...its true, I call it like I have seen it. At my gym, I have only seen a handful of people actually make it past February with the "lose weight" resolution.
I was at my home...the house of ego (i.e. the gym) on New Years day, and you could tell who had the resolution of de-fatting themselves. I love seeing all of the people out there who make this a New Year's resolution. Its not hard to spot them...they are overweight (generally) and they have a really neat new workout outfit.
Now don't get me wrong...I totally support those who want/need to lose weight. What I have to laugh about is why would you buy a new workout outfit (which in most cases hugs the butt to tight) when you know you won't see it through. Yes...its true, I call it like I have seen it. At my gym, I have only seen a handful of people actually make it past February with the "lose weight" resolution.
WTH.......Tender Mercy's
I have to share something odd that I saw this weekend. In the community where I live, I frequently see people who have signs asking for money, food, gas, help, or whaterver else their little hearts want. This weekend, I saw someone trying to pull at my heartstrings (and have tender mercy).
There was a lady sitting in front of the grocery store with a sign that said "being evicted need help."
I was not shocked by seeing this...after all, people are suffering hard right now. What I did think was odd was that the lady had clutched in her hand a Louis Vuitton bag! WHAT THE CRACK!!!! If I was panhandling and I had a Louis, I would LEAVE IT AT HOME!!!! The idea behind panhandling is that you need to look like your desperate for what you want. Holding a purse that costs over a grand is not that way to look like you need help!
There was a lady sitting in front of the grocery store with a sign that said "being evicted need help."
I was not shocked by seeing this...after all, people are suffering hard right now. What I did think was odd was that the lady had clutched in her hand a Louis Vuitton bag! WHAT THE CRACK!!!! If I was panhandling and I had a Louis, I would LEAVE IT AT HOME!!!! The idea behind panhandling is that you need to look like your desperate for what you want. Holding a purse that costs over a grand is not that way to look like you need help!
Friday, January 1, 2010
New Years Resolutiosn....
As part of my annual process of self-evaluation (which is hard since I am fully aware of my greatness), I have come up with my annual list of New Year's Resolutions.
#1. Become More Wealthy: Thanks so Suzie Orman (who is my new Deity), I will follow her adivce implicitly. Thus...I will be more wealthy (that of course is if I don't get fired...Oh...the pressure).
#2. Share more of the Gift: No need to explain.
#3. Become even more sexy: Christmas and New Years have ruined my sexiness. Today, I returned to the gym after a week off and I am going to hit it hard. I gained 10 pounds during this last two weeks. Thus, my new diet. 1 Breakfast Monseter, 1 Lunch Monster, and a Cheerio for Dinner.
#4. Hmmm...I can't think of anything else. Ah PERFECTION!
#1. Become More Wealthy: Thanks so Suzie Orman (who is my new Deity), I will follow her adivce implicitly. Thus...I will be more wealthy (that of course is if I don't get fired...Oh...the pressure).
#2. Share more of the Gift: No need to explain.
#3. Become even more sexy: Christmas and New Years have ruined my sexiness. Today, I returned to the gym after a week off and I am going to hit it hard. I gained 10 pounds during this last two weeks. Thus, my new diet. 1 Breakfast Monseter, 1 Lunch Monster, and a Cheerio for Dinner.
#4. Hmmm...I can't think of anything else. Ah PERFECTION!
I'M BACK....HOMELESS PEOPLE MAKE ME SAD
After a long break, I have now come to a new realization of my greatness and the gift (that litterally means me) that I have to share with the world.
On my way to work, I have the great pleasure of passing through my own downtown. It is always to see the women hard at work (i.e. the whores) and all of the crack heads who talk to themselves. On Christmas Eve, I was on my way to work, and I saw lots of homeless people. This really made me sad. Probably not in the conventional way that it would make most weak people feel sad. I just wished that I did not have to look at them. I get living on the street (especially during this difficult time in our economy), but could the city please come and scoop these people off the street for a couple of hours while I am going to work.
No offense to those in need. Afterall, I do support many organizations by writting a check. I write checks so that I don't have to feel all the sadiness in the world. Also...I figure that if I don't have to see it, it really does not exist.
On my way to work, I have the great pleasure of passing through my own downtown. It is always to see the women hard at work (i.e. the whores) and all of the crack heads who talk to themselves. On Christmas Eve, I was on my way to work, and I saw lots of homeless people. This really made me sad. Probably not in the conventional way that it would make most weak people feel sad. I just wished that I did not have to look at them. I get living on the street (especially during this difficult time in our economy), but could the city please come and scoop these people off the street for a couple of hours while I am going to work.
No offense to those in need. Afterall, I do support many organizations by writting a check. I write checks so that I don't have to feel all the sadiness in the world. Also...I figure that if I don't have to see it, it really does not exist.
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