Thursday, March 5, 2009
Forgive Me...Ads Now On Today's Daily Rant
Okay...I oculd not resist the opportunity to make some money. That being said, I have added Ads to the site. Get this....everytime you click on the add, I get paid. So....please take a moment to click on an add when you get done reading. Thanks!
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
This Economy SUCKS!!!
What is up with the people of the world today. Not only were there so many selfish idiots who due to their selfishness have ruined our economy, but now no one will donate to our foundation.
I get that there are those who are unemployed. I get that there are many out there who were morons and bought homes that they could not afford (oh...Mr. Banker man, I think it is a good idea to buy a home with 0 down and that is a variable rate...just as long as I get my trophy house and I can look good to my friends). But what about me and my plastic surgeon.
I am personally offended that there are so many stupid people in the world. I am offended that because of them, my potential donors no longer have the funds to donate to the foundation. Because of this...I am afraid that I may not be able to get my plastic surgery.
If you are able...please donate today! Let's not see another person lose their job...my plastic surgeon needs my business. DON'T DELAY!
I get that there are those who are unemployed. I get that there are many out there who were morons and bought homes that they could not afford (oh...Mr. Banker man, I think it is a good idea to buy a home with 0 down and that is a variable rate...just as long as I get my trophy house and I can look good to my friends). But what about me and my plastic surgeon.
I am personally offended that there are so many stupid people in the world. I am offended that because of them, my potential donors no longer have the funds to donate to the foundation. Because of this...I am afraid that I may not be able to get my plastic surgery.
If you are able...please donate today! Let's not see another person lose their job...my plastic surgeon needs my business. DON'T DELAY!
Okay...on Sunday, I finally caved and joined Facebook. I have never really been a fan of social networking sites. However...with the many people that I am connecting with from my past, I found this to be a great opportunity to promote the foundation.
For those who are new to this blog, there are two purposes for my writting. The first one is to raise money for my foundation 10,000. The entire premise behind this is to raise $10,000 to go towards two causes that the foundation has identified as needs in our world.
The first, healing the world. Of what you might say...UGLYINESS. 99.99% of ugliness can be healed through a good combing of the hair. So please help us buy combs for the ugly. .05% of all proceeds will go towards buying combs for the ugly (and the administration cost associated). The remaining funds will go towards our second cause. My unnecesary required plastic surgery. I need calf implants in the worst kind of a way.
Please donate today! I am affraid that if we do not raise the money, the ugly will have to continue looking ugly (and having low self esteem), and I might have to do those annoying and painful exercises to increase my calf hotness.
Remember our slogan...Its All For The Children!
For those who are new to this blog, there are two purposes for my writting. The first one is to raise money for my foundation 10,000. The entire premise behind this is to raise $10,000 to go towards two causes that the foundation has identified as needs in our world.
The first, healing the world. Of what you might say...UGLYINESS. 99.99% of ugliness can be healed through a good combing of the hair. So please help us buy combs for the ugly. .05% of all proceeds will go towards buying combs for the ugly (and the administration cost associated). The remaining funds will go towards our second cause. My unnecesary required plastic surgery. I need calf implants in the worst kind of a way.
Please donate today! I am affraid that if we do not raise the money, the ugly will have to continue looking ugly (and having low self esteem), and I might have to do those annoying and painful exercises to increase my calf hotness.
Remember our slogan...Its All For The Children!
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Recent Trip Back Home
Recently...I had the great opportunity to travel back to my home town and help a good friend of mine. While I was only there four about 24 hours, I noticed many things that made me pause and say WHAT THE FREAKEDY FREAK ARE THESE PEOPLE THINKING. This is the same town that I have written before in this blog. That being said...let's begin.
#1 Crazy Observation: I could not resit to drive around downtown and take a look at the red light district. To my surprise, there was a new brothel opened. It looked just a step up from the trail park brothel that is across the street from this one. What I found funny is that there was a giant banner out in front. It ready "Laddies Welcome." WHAT THE CRACK??? I guess in a contracting economy, the Whores need to diversify themselves and offer services to both genders. Could you image that staff meeting when the madam came out to tell the Whores that they would now be servicing women. LOVE IT!!!
There was one other thing that caught my eye. On the front door, there was the typical sign that had the hours of operation. But, this sign was different from those that you typically see. It also stated if before 11:00 a.m., please call 999-999-9999 (number changed for the protection of the community of shame and of course the Whores). This astonished me. So...if I can't wait to get my fix, I can all this number and they will rush a Whore out? Why don't they just have a 1-800 number like 1-800-Whore. Oh...there's not enough letters.
#2 Crazy Observation: This community has the nicest homeless shelter I have ever seen (or at least what should become one). There was a local moron who decided to build a hotel. What is interesting about this hotel (which looks very nice) is that the front door butts up to the side (metal side I may add) of the local grocery store. Not only does this seem insane, but it was built in the parking lot of the grocery store. It looks ridiculous. That being said, the moron builder ran out of money (because in this community there are many who do not know how to forecast costs of a project, and stay within a budget). So now, the building is fenced off a with those types of fences that are held down with cinder blocks (at least until the wind blows). I think that this would make for a very nice homeless shelter. It would have easy access, and could give each homeless person their own room. Or...it would be the nicest Whore house in the community. Hmmmm.....
#3 Crazy Observation: Whenever you put up a sign...make sure it is spelled correctly. I saw a sign that was posted with our new President's name on it. Mind you...they spelled it Obomo. Hmmmmm.....That says it all. Now I am not the greatest speller. But, come on...its our President!
Anyway...it was a great trip and I loved going back. Not only to visit my good friends, but also finding these Nuggets of Joy to share with each of you. The only downside was that no one welcomed me with the praise that I deserve and my own challis.
#1 Crazy Observation: I could not resit to drive around downtown and take a look at the red light district. To my surprise, there was a new brothel opened. It looked just a step up from the trail park brothel that is across the street from this one. What I found funny is that there was a giant banner out in front. It ready "Laddies Welcome." WHAT THE CRACK??? I guess in a contracting economy, the Whores need to diversify themselves and offer services to both genders. Could you image that staff meeting when the madam came out to tell the Whores that they would now be servicing women. LOVE IT!!!
There was one other thing that caught my eye. On the front door, there was the typical sign that had the hours of operation. But, this sign was different from those that you typically see. It also stated if before 11:00 a.m., please call 999-999-9999 (number changed for the protection of the community of shame and of course the Whores). This astonished me. So...if I can't wait to get my fix, I can all this number and they will rush a Whore out? Why don't they just have a 1-800 number like 1-800-Whore. Oh...there's not enough letters.
#2 Crazy Observation: This community has the nicest homeless shelter I have ever seen (or at least what should become one). There was a local moron who decided to build a hotel. What is interesting about this hotel (which looks very nice) is that the front door butts up to the side (metal side I may add) of the local grocery store. Not only does this seem insane, but it was built in the parking lot of the grocery store. It looks ridiculous. That being said, the moron builder ran out of money (because in this community there are many who do not know how to forecast costs of a project, and stay within a budget). So now, the building is fenced off a with those types of fences that are held down with cinder blocks (at least until the wind blows). I think that this would make for a very nice homeless shelter. It would have easy access, and could give each homeless person their own room. Or...it would be the nicest Whore house in the community. Hmmmm.....
#3 Crazy Observation: Whenever you put up a sign...make sure it is spelled correctly. I saw a sign that was posted with our new President's name on it. Mind you...they spelled it Obomo. Hmmmmm.....That says it all. Now I am not the greatest speller. But, come on...its our President!
Anyway...it was a great trip and I loved going back. Not only to visit my good friends, but also finding these Nuggets of Joy to share with each of you. The only downside was that no one welcomed me with the praise that I deserve and my own challis.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
The Crazy Lesbians...
What is up with the Crazy Lesbians....Sure, they have many talents. They like to chop down trees and build houses with the wood, they are gifted at auto repair, but seriously...what is up with them? Lets begin...
So today at the house of vanity, I saw what I have never seen before. A group of lesbians in a hot tub. They were so whacked out. All tattooed and talking all kinds of crazy. Full disclosure...I am not a fan of public display of affection. This group of Crazy Lesbians were not only displaying publically their affection, but they were so obsene that I had to leave.
What is also up with their fashion sense. Has the L Word done nothing to teach the Crazy Lesbians how to not be ugly?
I am making a declaration to all....let's not have full on orgies in a hot tub at a public place (Crazy Lesbians), and let's all try not to be ugly!
So today at the house of vanity, I saw what I have never seen before. A group of lesbians in a hot tub. They were so whacked out. All tattooed and talking all kinds of crazy. Full disclosure...I am not a fan of public display of affection. This group of Crazy Lesbians were not only displaying publically their affection, but they were so obsene that I had to leave.
What is also up with their fashion sense. Has the L Word done nothing to teach the Crazy Lesbians how to not be ugly?
I am making a declaration to all....let's not have full on orgies in a hot tub at a public place (Crazy Lesbians), and let's all try not to be ugly!
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Happy Valentines Day!!!
I hope that each of you had a happy Valentines Day. I enjoyed mine...I spent time with my family and of course had sexy time with my wife (that is always a Joy)!!! That being said...I was a bit disappointed......
For several days, I had been thinking about what I should get my wife for V-Day. I know that there are the typical things such as flowers (which are ridiculous because the price for them is so inflated that they are not worth the day that they will live and then die. Perhaps I should by her flowers now that V-Day is over? I wonder if there are after V-Day sales on Flowers?), jewelry (which my wife would kill me for because she does not wear jewelry), or a secret rendezvous without the children (this would not work because we have soooo many kids that there is always one around).
So, to help me think about what I should get my wife, I started to hear for those "signals" that women like to drop. For several days, my wife had been complaining because she lost her can opener and she had to use this tiny 1" long can opener that did not really work. So I thought AH HA...that is what I will get her...a can opener. She would be so surprised and pleased because I took the hint!
On Thursday, I came home and my wife and I were talking about our days. She had mentioned that she went to the dollar store. This is always a joyful topic for me because I feel that the dollar store is only full of CRAP!!!! Then she dropped the bomb. She was so thrilled because she found at the dollar store a can opener. Without thinking, she bought it! Dang it...now I have no gift for my wife on V-Day. I guess sexytime with me will have to do!
So the morale of the story is men...you don't have to buy gifts for your wife on V-Day (such as a can opener). Just spend a little sexytime with her!
For several days, I had been thinking about what I should get my wife for V-Day. I know that there are the typical things such as flowers (which are ridiculous because the price for them is so inflated that they are not worth the day that they will live and then die. Perhaps I should by her flowers now that V-Day is over? I wonder if there are after V-Day sales on Flowers?), jewelry (which my wife would kill me for because she does not wear jewelry), or a secret rendezvous without the children (this would not work because we have soooo many kids that there is always one around).
So, to help me think about what I should get my wife, I started to hear for those "signals" that women like to drop. For several days, my wife had been complaining because she lost her can opener and she had to use this tiny 1" long can opener that did not really work. So I thought AH HA...that is what I will get her...a can opener. She would be so surprised and pleased because I took the hint!
On Thursday, I came home and my wife and I were talking about our days. She had mentioned that she went to the dollar store. This is always a joyful topic for me because I feel that the dollar store is only full of CRAP!!!! Then she dropped the bomb. She was so thrilled because she found at the dollar store a can opener. Without thinking, she bought it! Dang it...now I have no gift for my wife on V-Day. I guess sexytime with me will have to do!
So the morale of the story is men...you don't have to buy gifts for your wife on V-Day (such as a can opener). Just spend a little sexytime with her!
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Known Truths....
There are several known truths that each of us accept. An example would be that the earth is not flat, but rather round. I recently discovered a new truth that I had not recognized before. I think that after reading this, you all will agree with me.
TRUTH: IF YOU ARE ATTRACTIVE, YOU CAN HAVE EVERYTHING!!!
After I discovered this truth, everything in my life now makes sense.
This truth was discovered at the house of vanity (for you new readers, that is the gym). I was working out in front of a mirror, and an ugly person came up behind me and wanted to watch themselves in the mirror. Of course...because I was far more attractive than the other person, they had to be submissive to my hotness and move.
I have also tested this therory in the sauna. Yes...this is my favorite place to test my theories. I have found that if an unattractive person comes and sits next to me in the sauna, all I have to do to get rid of them is begin stretching, and they become intimidated by my hottness, that they again...are subjected to be submissive and LEAVE!!!!
There are so many tools also avaliable to those who are attractive. First, we have better friends than the ugly. This is obvious because we only associate with other attractive people. We don't have to suffer by looking at the ugly. Second, we get better jobs than the ugly. This of course is held in the eyes of the job holder. I am sure that crack heads and whores enjoy their jobs far more than those of us who are attractive and are not crack heds nor whores. Third, peopele evny us. Isn't that the ultamte goal? Enough Said!
If you have any personal experiences on how you are supierior because your attractive...leave us a note and share with the rest of us!
TRUTH: IF YOU ARE ATTRACTIVE, YOU CAN HAVE EVERYTHING!!!
After I discovered this truth, everything in my life now makes sense.
This truth was discovered at the house of vanity (for you new readers, that is the gym). I was working out in front of a mirror, and an ugly person came up behind me and wanted to watch themselves in the mirror. Of course...because I was far more attractive than the other person, they had to be submissive to my hotness and move.
I have also tested this therory in the sauna. Yes...this is my favorite place to test my theories. I have found that if an unattractive person comes and sits next to me in the sauna, all I have to do to get rid of them is begin stretching, and they become intimidated by my hottness, that they again...are subjected to be submissive and LEAVE!!!!
There are so many tools also avaliable to those who are attractive. First, we have better friends than the ugly. This is obvious because we only associate with other attractive people. We don't have to suffer by looking at the ugly. Second, we get better jobs than the ugly. This of course is held in the eyes of the job holder. I am sure that crack heads and whores enjoy their jobs far more than those of us who are attractive and are not crack heds nor whores. Third, peopele evny us. Isn't that the ultamte goal? Enough Said!
If you have any personal experiences on how you are supierior because your attractive...leave us a note and share with the rest of us!
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