Today while giving myself my daily affirmation, I realized something...I am better than most people. Its true and it may be hard for each of you to realize while your reading this. There is just something about me that is so great.
Could it be my sexiness, humor, incredible ability to find faults in others? While all of those are tremendous traits in of themselves...combined, I could conquer so much!
Think about it...if everyone in the world read my blog (oh...and gave $1 to our foundation 10,000 strong), not only would people begin to realize how sucky they are, but they would then know what they need to do to improve themselves. Thus...the world we become better because there would be no more stupid people!
Ah...we all can just wish and look forward to that day!
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
The Jaywalker, Bike Rider, and the Homeless Person....
Okay...let me begin today's rant by saying that in general, I am a happy go lucky type of person. I try to find the best (but mostly worst) in people. I have to say that today...I hate the Jaywalker, Bike Ridder, and the Homeless Person....
To begin with, all three of these individuals I either saw or came into contact with on my way to work today. All have unique situations, but are sooo frustrating to me.
The Jaywalker...
With our economic downturn, I get that people are taking to the oldest form of transportation....their own @)%#&!)%*() legs. Yes, it is exciting to see grown humans using those legs (and feet) that they were born with. While that is exciting, it drives me nuts when those whom are attached to the legs (as yes...the feet) do stupid things.
Have you ever seen a Jaywalker who was breaking the law and you had to resit the urge to speed up? That was me today. I came accross not one, not two, but three speareat Jaywalkers. What makes me so angry is that one feels that they can dis-obey the law and illegally cross the road. But...if I were to hit them by accedient, I could be the one who is cited. Sure, you may feel that if you walk accross the street with enough attitude the world will stop so that you can cross the road. That may all well be good...unless we don't see you!
The Biker Ridder....
This is not an individual whom rides a Harley, but rather a Schwin. Today, I had a person on a bike cut me off and weave in between my car as I was drivin. How insane are these people? I am sure that they don't recognize that I CAN'T SEE YOU IN MY GAS GUSSLING GIANT SUV!!!! Yes...I am proud of my SUV, and I don't care how much gas costs (which I am sure is the motivator for the increase in the bikers on the road). I am going to ruin the envoirorment, expell my carbon, and help increase the giant ficticious hole that is in the ozone.
The Homeless Person....
Don't get me wrong, I feel bad for the homeless. That being said...why do they have to rifle through my garbage (I am not kidding)! As I was pulling out of my drive way, I noticed something that is uncommon for my neighborhood. I homeless person (or one who appeared to be homeless due to their lack of fasion scense) was going through the garbage that was on the curb of all of my neighbors. Has the economly gotten so bad that the homeless now have to come into my neigborhood and pull out all of the alumium cans? This SUCKS!
I did not pay a ton of money for my house (before the crash of the market....) to have homeless people rifling through my garbage. What has the world come to. I thus declare that we all should make a donation today of 1 alumum can to any homeless person on your way home from work tomorrow.
To begin with, all three of these individuals I either saw or came into contact with on my way to work today. All have unique situations, but are sooo frustrating to me.
The Jaywalker...
With our economic downturn, I get that people are taking to the oldest form of transportation....their own @)%#&!)%*() legs. Yes, it is exciting to see grown humans using those legs (and feet) that they were born with. While that is exciting, it drives me nuts when those whom are attached to the legs (as yes...the feet) do stupid things.
Have you ever seen a Jaywalker who was breaking the law and you had to resit the urge to speed up? That was me today. I came accross not one, not two, but three speareat Jaywalkers. What makes me so angry is that one feels that they can dis-obey the law and illegally cross the road. But...if I were to hit them by accedient, I could be the one who is cited. Sure, you may feel that if you walk accross the street with enough attitude the world will stop so that you can cross the road. That may all well be good...unless we don't see you!
The Biker Ridder....
This is not an individual whom rides a Harley, but rather a Schwin. Today, I had a person on a bike cut me off and weave in between my car as I was drivin. How insane are these people? I am sure that they don't recognize that I CAN'T SEE YOU IN MY GAS GUSSLING GIANT SUV!!!! Yes...I am proud of my SUV, and I don't care how much gas costs (which I am sure is the motivator for the increase in the bikers on the road). I am going to ruin the envoirorment, expell my carbon, and help increase the giant ficticious hole that is in the ozone.
The Homeless Person....
Don't get me wrong, I feel bad for the homeless. That being said...why do they have to rifle through my garbage (I am not kidding)! As I was pulling out of my drive way, I noticed something that is uncommon for my neighborhood. I homeless person (or one who appeared to be homeless due to their lack of fasion scense) was going through the garbage that was on the curb of all of my neighbors. Has the economly gotten so bad that the homeless now have to come into my neigborhood and pull out all of the alumium cans? This SUCKS!
I did not pay a ton of money for my house (before the crash of the market....) to have homeless people rifling through my garbage. What has the world come to. I thus declare that we all should make a donation today of 1 alumum can to any homeless person on your way home from work tomorrow.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Please Keep Your Shoes On!
Today, I was surrounded by perhaps one of the most disgusting things I have ever experienced. Yes...experienced! I was once again sitting in the sauna at the gym, and I was surrounded by nasty, disgusting, ugly, uncut, jacked up toes. As I was sitting there, everyone that was around me was in a serious need to cut their toe nails.
Okay...I get it (i.e. not cutting your toe nails) if you are pregnant, morbily obese, or don't have the mental capacity to understand general hygiene and grooming. But for all other individuals, why would you not cut your toes, or kill the fungi, or just have good grooming? If one makes the choice to be nasty...that's fine, but why make us all suffer by having to see the nasty?
I am going to make a declaration today...If you have nasty feet, and you do not want to take care of them...then keep your !#@(*&%@^)_*#@%@#&()U shoes on your feet!
Okay...I get it (i.e. not cutting your toe nails) if you are pregnant, morbily obese, or don't have the mental capacity to understand general hygiene and grooming. But for all other individuals, why would you not cut your toes, or kill the fungi, or just have good grooming? If one makes the choice to be nasty...that's fine, but why make us all suffer by having to see the nasty?
I am going to make a declaration today...If you have nasty feet, and you do not want to take care of them...then keep your !#@(*&%@^)_*#@%@#&()U shoes on your feet!
Friday, March 27, 2009
I've Been Saved!!!
Today, when I got into the office, I told my staff that I had been saved. They looked at me like what the Crack! They asked..."what have you been saved from?" I told them that I wasn't sure.
On my way into work, I stumbled across one of those insane Christian raido stations with the preachers on them. They were doing a therapy session on being saved. So...I have decided that this is my Montra for the week....
I've Been Saved!!!
On my way into work, I stumbled across one of those insane Christian raido stations with the preachers on them. They were doing a therapy session on being saved. So...I have decided that this is my Montra for the week....
I've Been Saved!!!
A trip to the Post Office
Okay....Let me begin by saying that in no way to I want to make fun of losers. Okay...I lied. On with the rant!
Today, I went to the Post Office. I was standing in this long line and I was looking at the women in front of me. While looking at her, I was very confused about something. I could not put my finger on what was confusing about her. I then realized that it was her purse.
Okay...this women had on her shoulder a Louis Vuitton purse. This would not be such an odd thing if it wasn't for her acid washed jeans. Seriously...if you are wearing acid washed jeans from the 1980's, no one will believe that your Louis is REAL!!!
To top that off, she had with her two children who looked completely homeless. They had out of control curly hair that appeared not to have been combed in months! Then I continued to check out her special outfit and I noticed her shoes! She was wearing those white high top tennis shoes that have the double bubble at the top. HELLO!!!!!
The morale of this story is that if you want people to think your wealthy, hot, or awesome...don't wear acid washed jeans, high tops, have homeless looking children, and have a fake Louis Vuitton!!!
Today, I went to the Post Office. I was standing in this long line and I was looking at the women in front of me. While looking at her, I was very confused about something. I could not put my finger on what was confusing about her. I then realized that it was her purse.
Okay...this women had on her shoulder a Louis Vuitton purse. This would not be such an odd thing if it wasn't for her acid washed jeans. Seriously...if you are wearing acid washed jeans from the 1980's, no one will believe that your Louis is REAL!!!
To top that off, she had with her two children who looked completely homeless. They had out of control curly hair that appeared not to have been combed in months! Then I continued to check out her special outfit and I noticed her shoes! She was wearing those white high top tennis shoes that have the double bubble at the top. HELLO!!!!!
The morale of this story is that if you want people to think your wealthy, hot, or awesome...don't wear acid washed jeans, high tops, have homeless looking children, and have a fake Louis Vuitton!!!
My Montra
"Strobe Lights Makes Everything Sexier." So...make sure you do everything in strobe lights so that you can be even more sexy!
GREAT NEWS!!!!
I wanted to share with each of you my success story. With much starvation and my Monster diet, I am 1/2 a rib away from my goal. For those new to my blog...my goal is to be able to see 3 1/2 ribs. Ya know...like the Olsen twins. I love their diet.
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