What is up with the Crazy Lesbians....Sure, they have many talents. They like to chop down trees and build houses with the wood, they are gifted at auto repair, but seriously...what is up with them? Lets begin...
So today at the house of vanity, I saw what I have never seen before. A group of lesbians in a hot tub. They were so whacked out. All tattooed and talking all kinds of crazy. Full disclosure...I am not a fan of public display of affection. This group of Crazy Lesbians were not only displaying publically their affection, but they were so obsene that I had to leave.
What is also up with their fashion sense. Has the L Word done nothing to teach the Crazy Lesbians how to not be ugly?
I am making a declaration to all....let's not have full on orgies in a hot tub at a public place (Crazy Lesbians), and let's all try not to be ugly!
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Happy Valentines Day!!!
I hope that each of you had a happy Valentines Day. I enjoyed mine...I spent time with my family and of course had sexy time with my wife (that is always a Joy)!!! That being said...I was a bit disappointed......
For several days, I had been thinking about what I should get my wife for V-Day. I know that there are the typical things such as flowers (which are ridiculous because the price for them is so inflated that they are not worth the day that they will live and then die. Perhaps I should by her flowers now that V-Day is over? I wonder if there are after V-Day sales on Flowers?), jewelry (which my wife would kill me for because she does not wear jewelry), or a secret rendezvous without the children (this would not work because we have soooo many kids that there is always one around).
So, to help me think about what I should get my wife, I started to hear for those "signals" that women like to drop. For several days, my wife had been complaining because she lost her can opener and she had to use this tiny 1" long can opener that did not really work. So I thought AH HA...that is what I will get her...a can opener. She would be so surprised and pleased because I took the hint!
On Thursday, I came home and my wife and I were talking about our days. She had mentioned that she went to the dollar store. This is always a joyful topic for me because I feel that the dollar store is only full of CRAP!!!! Then she dropped the bomb. She was so thrilled because she found at the dollar store a can opener. Without thinking, she bought it! Dang it...now I have no gift for my wife on V-Day. I guess sexytime with me will have to do!
So the morale of the story is men...you don't have to buy gifts for your wife on V-Day (such as a can opener). Just spend a little sexytime with her!
For several days, I had been thinking about what I should get my wife for V-Day. I know that there are the typical things such as flowers (which are ridiculous because the price for them is so inflated that they are not worth the day that they will live and then die. Perhaps I should by her flowers now that V-Day is over? I wonder if there are after V-Day sales on Flowers?), jewelry (which my wife would kill me for because she does not wear jewelry), or a secret rendezvous without the children (this would not work because we have soooo many kids that there is always one around).
So, to help me think about what I should get my wife, I started to hear for those "signals" that women like to drop. For several days, my wife had been complaining because she lost her can opener and she had to use this tiny 1" long can opener that did not really work. So I thought AH HA...that is what I will get her...a can opener. She would be so surprised and pleased because I took the hint!
On Thursday, I came home and my wife and I were talking about our days. She had mentioned that she went to the dollar store. This is always a joyful topic for me because I feel that the dollar store is only full of CRAP!!!! Then she dropped the bomb. She was so thrilled because she found at the dollar store a can opener. Without thinking, she bought it! Dang it...now I have no gift for my wife on V-Day. I guess sexytime with me will have to do!
So the morale of the story is men...you don't have to buy gifts for your wife on V-Day (such as a can opener). Just spend a little sexytime with her!
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Known Truths....
There are several known truths that each of us accept. An example would be that the earth is not flat, but rather round. I recently discovered a new truth that I had not recognized before. I think that after reading this, you all will agree with me.
TRUTH: IF YOU ARE ATTRACTIVE, YOU CAN HAVE EVERYTHING!!!
After I discovered this truth, everything in my life now makes sense.
This truth was discovered at the house of vanity (for you new readers, that is the gym). I was working out in front of a mirror, and an ugly person came up behind me and wanted to watch themselves in the mirror. Of course...because I was far more attractive than the other person, they had to be submissive to my hotness and move.
I have also tested this therory in the sauna. Yes...this is my favorite place to test my theories. I have found that if an unattractive person comes and sits next to me in the sauna, all I have to do to get rid of them is begin stretching, and they become intimidated by my hottness, that they again...are subjected to be submissive and LEAVE!!!!
There are so many tools also avaliable to those who are attractive. First, we have better friends than the ugly. This is obvious because we only associate with other attractive people. We don't have to suffer by looking at the ugly. Second, we get better jobs than the ugly. This of course is held in the eyes of the job holder. I am sure that crack heads and whores enjoy their jobs far more than those of us who are attractive and are not crack heds nor whores. Third, peopele evny us. Isn't that the ultamte goal? Enough Said!
If you have any personal experiences on how you are supierior because your attractive...leave us a note and share with the rest of us!
TRUTH: IF YOU ARE ATTRACTIVE, YOU CAN HAVE EVERYTHING!!!
After I discovered this truth, everything in my life now makes sense.
This truth was discovered at the house of vanity (for you new readers, that is the gym). I was working out in front of a mirror, and an ugly person came up behind me and wanted to watch themselves in the mirror. Of course...because I was far more attractive than the other person, they had to be submissive to my hotness and move.
I have also tested this therory in the sauna. Yes...this is my favorite place to test my theories. I have found that if an unattractive person comes and sits next to me in the sauna, all I have to do to get rid of them is begin stretching, and they become intimidated by my hottness, that they again...are subjected to be submissive and LEAVE!!!!
There are so many tools also avaliable to those who are attractive. First, we have better friends than the ugly. This is obvious because we only associate with other attractive people. We don't have to suffer by looking at the ugly. Second, we get better jobs than the ugly. This of course is held in the eyes of the job holder. I am sure that crack heads and whores enjoy their jobs far more than those of us who are attractive and are not crack heds nor whores. Third, peopele evny us. Isn't that the ultamte goal? Enough Said!
If you have any personal experiences on how you are supierior because your attractive...leave us a note and share with the rest of us!
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Paula Abdul is a FREAK.........
Okay...full disclosure...I love American Idol! I love that it is that time of year again when we go through the exciting process of listening to the crazy (i.e. Paula) and her wickedly funny vacant looks, and stupid commentary (this would be one of my Nuggets of Joy).
So...with American Idol having been on TV for two weeks now, we have not heard very much crazy come out of the mouth of Paula. Perhaps this is because their is a new judge. Perhaps it is that the producers told her not to open her mouth. Who knows??? So I have been a bit disappointed thus far. Last night however...my disappointment went out the window. Time for Crazy!!!
For those of you who missed it...a recap.
A very talented young women got up to sing. She did a great job, and at the end...the judges all gave her high marks. After the judges commentary/praise, the young women began to cry. Then came the Nugget of Joy....Paula then opens her mouth and said "Don't Cry...You are worthy." WHAT THE CRACK??? Worthy of what? Now, many of you might think that she was saying "worthy to move on because your very talented." But...that is not what she said. It was very weird...Paula was talking like she was a deity (i.e. Oprah) and was speaking as if this young women was worthy to be in her presence. What a Freak.....
I just wished that someone would say to Paula "your not worthy...get off the stage!"
So...with American Idol having been on TV for two weeks now, we have not heard very much crazy come out of the mouth of Paula. Perhaps this is because their is a new judge. Perhaps it is that the producers told her not to open her mouth. Who knows??? So I have been a bit disappointed thus far. Last night however...my disappointment went out the window. Time for Crazy!!!
For those of you who missed it...a recap.
A very talented young women got up to sing. She did a great job, and at the end...the judges all gave her high marks. After the judges commentary/praise, the young women began to cry. Then came the Nugget of Joy....Paula then opens her mouth and said "Don't Cry...You are worthy." WHAT THE CRACK??? Worthy of what? Now, many of you might think that she was saying "worthy to move on because your very talented." But...that is not what she said. It was very weird...Paula was talking like she was a deity (i.e. Oprah) and was speaking as if this young women was worthy to be in her presence. What a Freak.....
I just wished that someone would say to Paula "your not worthy...get off the stage!"
Saturday, January 17, 2009
I Got A Big Ego.....
"Hey how you doing? You know I'm gonna cut right to the chase. Some men were made. But me, myself I like to think I was created for a special purpose. You know, what's more special than me?"
My Trip to the Social Security Administration of the United States of America....Part 3
So, now were are off to the local DMV. In my town, you can go to the real DMV (which is just as bad as the Social Security Administration of the United States of America), or an express DMV. So I choose to drive 10 extra miles and go to the express DMV.
When I arrived, I entered to see 1 customer and 5 employees sitting behind a desk. I was immeidately directed to pull a number and wait. So, I sat on a long bench like couch and about 20 seconds later, my number was called. I was astonished that this process even needed to occur considering the other customer was being assisted. So, I went to where I was called to and sat down. I explained what I needed and I was directed to go and fill out the blue form on the wall. I asked if I could fill it out at her cubical and she said no. Oaky, I would understand this if there were ANYONE ELSE IN THE OFFICE!
So, I filled out my blue form and waited a few more minutes and then was called on. Then I sat and she asked what identification I would be providing. I told her I had my birth cerfiticate (which she said "that's a good start), and then I pulled out my temorpoary Social Security card that I got from the Social Security Administration of the United States of America office. Her and her co-worker looked at each other with a funny look. I asked if they had ever been there...at which they both replied yes. I asked them if they had noticed all of the ugly people. They laughed. I did give props though to all of the ugly...they did put on their best sweats for the trip to the Social Security Administration of the United States of America.
I then asked the DMV workers if they knew if there was a waiting room at the Social Security Administration of the United States of America office for those of us that were not ugly. They were puzzled by this question and said "no." I told them that I felt like asking because I did not want to sit with all of the ugly!
You may think that this is a crazy request, but I did one time go to a local clinic and after being coughed on by all of the crazy people looking for free health care (as if this is Canada), I asked the nurse where was the waiting room for those of us who could pay.
I told this to the DMV women and they could not believe I was saying this. I did really ask this question, and to my surprise...THERE WAS! I was directed to a back office waiting room were there were a couple other people WHO COULD PAY!!!!
The morale of these stories is...if you lose your Social Security card from the Social Security Administration of the United States of America, you will be punished by having to wait, deal with looking at the ugly, and being punished by having to talk to a Federal employee who has no personality!
When I arrived, I entered to see 1 customer and 5 employees sitting behind a desk. I was immeidately directed to pull a number and wait. So, I sat on a long bench like couch and about 20 seconds later, my number was called. I was astonished that this process even needed to occur considering the other customer was being assisted. So, I went to where I was called to and sat down. I explained what I needed and I was directed to go and fill out the blue form on the wall. I asked if I could fill it out at her cubical and she said no. Oaky, I would understand this if there were ANYONE ELSE IN THE OFFICE!
So, I filled out my blue form and waited a few more minutes and then was called on. Then I sat and she asked what identification I would be providing. I told her I had my birth cerfiticate (which she said "that's a good start), and then I pulled out my temorpoary Social Security card that I got from the Social Security Administration of the United States of America office. Her and her co-worker looked at each other with a funny look. I asked if they had ever been there...at which they both replied yes. I asked them if they had noticed all of the ugly people. They laughed. I did give props though to all of the ugly...they did put on their best sweats for the trip to the Social Security Administration of the United States of America.
I then asked the DMV workers if they knew if there was a waiting room at the Social Security Administration of the United States of America office for those of us that were not ugly. They were puzzled by this question and said "no." I told them that I felt like asking because I did not want to sit with all of the ugly!
You may think that this is a crazy request, but I did one time go to a local clinic and after being coughed on by all of the crazy people looking for free health care (as if this is Canada), I asked the nurse where was the waiting room for those of us who could pay.
I told this to the DMV women and they could not believe I was saying this. I did really ask this question, and to my surprise...THERE WAS! I was directed to a back office waiting room were there were a couple other people WHO COULD PAY!!!!
The morale of these stories is...if you lose your Social Security card from the Social Security Administration of the United States of America, you will be punished by having to wait, deal with looking at the ugly, and being punished by having to talk to a Federal employee who has no personality!
My Trip to the Social Security Administration of the United States of America...Part 2
If you have ever been to the Social Security Administration of the United States of America office, you will notice that everyone there is UGLY!!!! I kid you not...if you want proof go. I felt bad for all of the Social Security Administration of the United States of America workers. Just think....they spend their day looking out from their plexi glass windows at a sea of ugliness (not that they had any beauty to write home about). Perhaps it is the bad florecent lighting.
They also had a security guard that made me laugh. His job was to sit behind a desk, and periodically stand infront of the room with his hands on his hips and stare at us. Just think how pissed he must have been to awake one morning and realize that he is the security guard at the Social Security Administration of the United States of America. How he must make a difference in the lives of others....Anyway....
As the we approached my number (they called A100....) I started to get the hibbie geebiees. My legs started shaking because I was sooo excited that my number was approaching. When my number got called, I went up to the window, and the Social Security Administration of the United States of America employee said can I see your identlification. I explained that I did not have a drivers license, but I had my medical records. The man explianed that the Social Security Administration of the United States of America would not accept this (even though I told him that I called and this is what I was instructed to do). He asked if I had a health card and I said yes...he told me that they would accept that. I was surprised that a simple health card would be acceptable (that acutally concerns me beacuse anyone could walk in with a health card). He then asked if I needed a temopary Social Security Card and I said sure....and asked if the DMV would accept that (that way...I could also get a drivers license). He then went on to say that this is the Social Security Administration of the United States of America and any form from them is a legal document of the Federal Government of the United States of America. And with that, the DMV would have to accept it. I thought "SCORE" I could accomplish two things in one day.
On to the DMV.....
They also had a security guard that made me laugh. His job was to sit behind a desk, and periodically stand infront of the room with his hands on his hips and stare at us. Just think how pissed he must have been to awake one morning and realize that he is the security guard at the Social Security Administration of the United States of America. How he must make a difference in the lives of others....Anyway....
As the we approached my number (they called A100....) I started to get the hibbie geebiees. My legs started shaking because I was sooo excited that my number was approaching. When my number got called, I went up to the window, and the Social Security Administration of the United States of America employee said can I see your identlification. I explained that I did not have a drivers license, but I had my medical records. The man explianed that the Social Security Administration of the United States of America would not accept this (even though I told him that I called and this is what I was instructed to do). He asked if I had a health card and I said yes...he told me that they would accept that. I was surprised that a simple health card would be acceptable (that acutally concerns me beacuse anyone could walk in with a health card). He then asked if I needed a temopary Social Security Card and I said sure....and asked if the DMV would accept that (that way...I could also get a drivers license). He then went on to say that this is the Social Security Administration of the United States of America and any form from them is a legal document of the Federal Government of the United States of America. And with that, the DMV would have to accept it. I thought "SCORE" I could accomplish two things in one day.
On to the DMV.....
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