Okay...let me begin today's rant by saying that in general, I am a happy go lucky type of person. I try to find the best (but mostly worst) in people. I have to say that today...I hate the Jaywalker, Bike Ridder, and the Homeless Person....
To begin with, all three of these individuals I either saw or came into contact with on my way to work today. All have unique situations, but are sooo frustrating to me.
The Jaywalker...
With our economic downturn, I get that people are taking to the oldest form of transportation....their own @)%#&!)%*() legs. Yes, it is exciting to see grown humans using those legs (and feet) that they were born with. While that is exciting, it drives me nuts when those whom are attached to the legs (as yes...the feet) do stupid things.
Have you ever seen a Jaywalker who was breaking the law and you had to resit the urge to speed up? That was me today. I came accross not one, not two, but three speareat Jaywalkers. What makes me so angry is that one feels that they can dis-obey the law and illegally cross the road. But...if I were to hit them by accedient, I could be the one who is cited. Sure, you may feel that if you walk accross the street with enough attitude the world will stop so that you can cross the road. That may all well be good...unless we don't see you!
The Biker Ridder....
This is not an individual whom rides a Harley, but rather a Schwin. Today, I had a person on a bike cut me off and weave in between my car as I was drivin. How insane are these people? I am sure that they don't recognize that I CAN'T SEE YOU IN MY GAS GUSSLING GIANT SUV!!!! Yes...I am proud of my SUV, and I don't care how much gas costs (which I am sure is the motivator for the increase in the bikers on the road). I am going to ruin the envoirorment, expell my carbon, and help increase the giant ficticious hole that is in the ozone.
The Homeless Person....
Don't get me wrong, I feel bad for the homeless. That being said...why do they have to rifle through my garbage (I am not kidding)! As I was pulling out of my drive way, I noticed something that is uncommon for my neighborhood. I homeless person (or one who appeared to be homeless due to their lack of fasion scense) was going through the garbage that was on the curb of all of my neighbors. Has the economly gotten so bad that the homeless now have to come into my neigborhood and pull out all of the alumium cans? This SUCKS!
I did not pay a ton of money for my house (before the crash of the market....) to have homeless people rifling through my garbage. What has the world come to. I thus declare that we all should make a donation today of 1 alumum can to any homeless person on your way home from work tomorrow.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Please Keep Your Shoes On!
Today, I was surrounded by perhaps one of the most disgusting things I have ever experienced. Yes...experienced! I was once again sitting in the sauna at the gym, and I was surrounded by nasty, disgusting, ugly, uncut, jacked up toes. As I was sitting there, everyone that was around me was in a serious need to cut their toe nails.
Okay...I get it (i.e. not cutting your toe nails) if you are pregnant, morbily obese, or don't have the mental capacity to understand general hygiene and grooming. But for all other individuals, why would you not cut your toes, or kill the fungi, or just have good grooming? If one makes the choice to be nasty...that's fine, but why make us all suffer by having to see the nasty?
I am going to make a declaration today...If you have nasty feet, and you do not want to take care of them...then keep your !#@(*&%@^)_*#@%@#&()U shoes on your feet!
Okay...I get it (i.e. not cutting your toe nails) if you are pregnant, morbily obese, or don't have the mental capacity to understand general hygiene and grooming. But for all other individuals, why would you not cut your toes, or kill the fungi, or just have good grooming? If one makes the choice to be nasty...that's fine, but why make us all suffer by having to see the nasty?
I am going to make a declaration today...If you have nasty feet, and you do not want to take care of them...then keep your !#@(*&%@^)_*#@%@#&()U shoes on your feet!
Friday, March 27, 2009
I've Been Saved!!!
Today, when I got into the office, I told my staff that I had been saved. They looked at me like what the Crack! They asked..."what have you been saved from?" I told them that I wasn't sure.
On my way into work, I stumbled across one of those insane Christian raido stations with the preachers on them. They were doing a therapy session on being saved. So...I have decided that this is my Montra for the week....
I've Been Saved!!!
On my way into work, I stumbled across one of those insane Christian raido stations with the preachers on them. They were doing a therapy session on being saved. So...I have decided that this is my Montra for the week....
I've Been Saved!!!
A trip to the Post Office
Okay....Let me begin by saying that in no way to I want to make fun of losers. Okay...I lied. On with the rant!
Today, I went to the Post Office. I was standing in this long line and I was looking at the women in front of me. While looking at her, I was very confused about something. I could not put my finger on what was confusing about her. I then realized that it was her purse.
Okay...this women had on her shoulder a Louis Vuitton purse. This would not be such an odd thing if it wasn't for her acid washed jeans. Seriously...if you are wearing acid washed jeans from the 1980's, no one will believe that your Louis is REAL!!!
To top that off, she had with her two children who looked completely homeless. They had out of control curly hair that appeared not to have been combed in months! Then I continued to check out her special outfit and I noticed her shoes! She was wearing those white high top tennis shoes that have the double bubble at the top. HELLO!!!!!
The morale of this story is that if you want people to think your wealthy, hot, or awesome...don't wear acid washed jeans, high tops, have homeless looking children, and have a fake Louis Vuitton!!!
Today, I went to the Post Office. I was standing in this long line and I was looking at the women in front of me. While looking at her, I was very confused about something. I could not put my finger on what was confusing about her. I then realized that it was her purse.
Okay...this women had on her shoulder a Louis Vuitton purse. This would not be such an odd thing if it wasn't for her acid washed jeans. Seriously...if you are wearing acid washed jeans from the 1980's, no one will believe that your Louis is REAL!!!
To top that off, she had with her two children who looked completely homeless. They had out of control curly hair that appeared not to have been combed in months! Then I continued to check out her special outfit and I noticed her shoes! She was wearing those white high top tennis shoes that have the double bubble at the top. HELLO!!!!!
The morale of this story is that if you want people to think your wealthy, hot, or awesome...don't wear acid washed jeans, high tops, have homeless looking children, and have a fake Louis Vuitton!!!
My Montra
"Strobe Lights Makes Everything Sexier." So...make sure you do everything in strobe lights so that you can be even more sexy!
GREAT NEWS!!!!
I wanted to share with each of you my success story. With much starvation and my Monster diet, I am 1/2 a rib away from my goal. For those new to my blog...my goal is to be able to see 3 1/2 ribs. Ya know...like the Olsen twins. I love their diet.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Relationship Advice...Painting The House!!!
So...one thing that I have learned over my nearly 11 years of marriage is to communicate your expectations. Such as...if you have plans on Saturday to sleep in, you should communicate that to your spouse. That way, if they have other plans, your plan and theirs do not come into comflict with each other. I have never found this advice to be more apparent to do than recently.
Last June, my wife and I finnally took the plunge and bought a house (of course, we are now thinking "why did we not wait..." anyway...). I have been itching to do some home improvements such as painting. When we bought our house, we thought that the painting looked great, and were the colors that we liked. However, after being in it nearly a year, and discovering that the paint is not condusive to washing...it was time to being to paint our dining/living room.
Two weeks ago, I came home with litterally every same of color of paint from Home Depot and Lowe's. This litterally was about 300 color samples. I told my wife...Here you go...pick one. Of course, we started looking at earth tones (which was the existing color of the room). Then my wife went to blues, greys, greens...literlly every color of the rainbow and every hune. So, we narrowed it down to two dozen and my wife refused to pick a color. So on Saturday, I lost it...I decided that one way to motivate my wife to pick a color was to being masking the room and preparing the walls (this perhaps is where communicating my expectation would have come in good). She did not take me serious until I came home from Wal-Mart with the putty, knife, and painters tape.
Next, my wife decided that she would like to go and get her nails done. While she was gone, I thought....this was my opportunity. I began masking and covering up all the holes in the wall. By the time she got home, there were several white spots one the wall, and blue take everywhere. This was a motivator because within a half hour, my wife had picked a color. So off to Lowe's I go with my paint color in hand.
Let me stop here for a moment to tell you the color she choose. Salamander Green! Sure...in the picture it looked good, but would it look good on our walls?
Because I was painting in such a central part of our house, I did nto want to paint until my kids had gone to bed. So when they were tucked into their beds, I started by paiting around the trim of the room. After this was done, it was 10:00 p.m. I whent next to get my paint roller, and I discovered that there was a used paint roller on the roller and I could not get it off. AHHHHH....so off into the night I went to find a new roller. Yes, it was past 10:00 at this point, but I could not let it go. I ended up at Wal-Mart, but by 10:30, I was home and ready to paint.
So..by 11:30, I did have one wall done, but the challenge is that this room is only served by natural light (and a chandeler in the dinging room). Thus, I could not tell if I had done a good job of painting.
Oh...another stopping point. I found it odd that my wife decided to get her nails done one the day that I started to paint. This is the morale of the story...Had I communicated my intent and my desire for her help (which I did not really want), she may not have gotten her nails done. But since she did, there was no way she was going to help me. She did sit on the couch and tell me where I missed a spot...Nuggest of Joy!!!!
This morning, I was awaken by my four year old going WOW....and running up and down the hall way. He had gone in and awaken all of his siblings to show them what he had found on the wall. Also...on the other walls, I kinda did grafitti to get the paint out of the paint brushes, so he thought that was cool. To my surprise...the salamander green does look good!
Last June, my wife and I finnally took the plunge and bought a house (of course, we are now thinking "why did we not wait..." anyway...). I have been itching to do some home improvements such as painting. When we bought our house, we thought that the painting looked great, and were the colors that we liked. However, after being in it nearly a year, and discovering that the paint is not condusive to washing...it was time to being to paint our dining/living room.
Two weeks ago, I came home with litterally every same of color of paint from Home Depot and Lowe's. This litterally was about 300 color samples. I told my wife...Here you go...pick one. Of course, we started looking at earth tones (which was the existing color of the room). Then my wife went to blues, greys, greens...literlly every color of the rainbow and every hune. So, we narrowed it down to two dozen and my wife refused to pick a color. So on Saturday, I lost it...I decided that one way to motivate my wife to pick a color was to being masking the room and preparing the walls (this perhaps is where communicating my expectation would have come in good). She did not take me serious until I came home from Wal-Mart with the putty, knife, and painters tape.
Next, my wife decided that she would like to go and get her nails done. While she was gone, I thought....this was my opportunity. I began masking and covering up all the holes in the wall. By the time she got home, there were several white spots one the wall, and blue take everywhere. This was a motivator because within a half hour, my wife had picked a color. So off to Lowe's I go with my paint color in hand.
Let me stop here for a moment to tell you the color she choose. Salamander Green! Sure...in the picture it looked good, but would it look good on our walls?
Because I was painting in such a central part of our house, I did nto want to paint until my kids had gone to bed. So when they were tucked into their beds, I started by paiting around the trim of the room. After this was done, it was 10:00 p.m. I whent next to get my paint roller, and I discovered that there was a used paint roller on the roller and I could not get it off. AHHHHH....so off into the night I went to find a new roller. Yes, it was past 10:00 at this point, but I could not let it go. I ended up at Wal-Mart, but by 10:30, I was home and ready to paint.
So..by 11:30, I did have one wall done, but the challenge is that this room is only served by natural light (and a chandeler in the dinging room). Thus, I could not tell if I had done a good job of painting.
Oh...another stopping point. I found it odd that my wife decided to get her nails done one the day that I started to paint. This is the morale of the story...Had I communicated my intent and my desire for her help (which I did not really want), she may not have gotten her nails done. But since she did, there was no way she was going to help me. She did sit on the couch and tell me where I missed a spot...Nuggest of Joy!!!!
This morning, I was awaken by my four year old going WOW....and running up and down the hall way. He had gone in and awaken all of his siblings to show them what he had found on the wall. Also...on the other walls, I kinda did grafitti to get the paint out of the paint brushes, so he thought that was cool. To my surprise...the salamander green does look good!
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