Like A Prayer...

Today I was waiting to go to church which is at 1:00 (which is death waiting for). So to pass the time, I was watching Meet the Press and This Week. After I drove my family away, I decided to listen to some music on my awsome iPhone. I thought I should listen to something that would be spiritually uplifting and get me in the mood to go to church. Question...does anyone see an issue with my choice of songs "Like a Prayer?". I have to admit that it was not the original and controversial version by Madonnam, but it was the Glee version. So, it must be okay for Sunday listening.

Sexytime...We're so classy......

The other night, my wife and I were going to have a little (wait HUGE) sexytime. I asked her if she wanted some candle light fir romance. Si I paused our T.V. For those of you that don't have Direct TV, it gas a screen saver that is totally hot! After that, she asked if I wanted a massauge, of course I was into it. Then I said I would go get the Pam cooking spray. We're so classy!

Cottage Cheese A@$...Sex and the City

Disclaimer...before you read this, please be advise that you may be offended. Oh who cares, if you follow my blog, ive probably already offended you.

So with the upcoming release of the movie Sexy and the City 2, I have heard reports of department stores gearing up. They are offering huge discounts in anticipation for women to go out and by a new outfit to see the movie, this is for real! Check out your local Macy's...they are partnering with the movie studio who is producing S&C 2 to offer special discounts.

That being said...I would like to give a word of caution to all the ladies out there.

Today, I saw a women who had to be wearing an outfit inspired by S&C. It was a fancy dress and she had what appeared to be at least 6" heals on (wait, may be a hooker. Hmmmmm...). Anyway, when she turned around and I saw her a@$, it was apparent that she did not step into the What Not To Wear 360 degree mirror. No, the dress did not ride up, it was not even to short. It was worse than all of that combined! The dress was painted on her butt. Not just that, it hugged so tight that she looked like she had cottage cheese stuffed in her underwear!

So ladies, as you head out to buy your S&C outfit, do spin around and take a look in the mirror. You want people to think your hot, not blogging about your cottage cheese a@$!

Keney Rodgers...What a hot mess!

Okay let's begin with a confession. I love Oprah! I especially a crazy Oprah.

On with today's rant...

So today I was watching Oprah. She had on another idol of mine Dolly Parton (who we all know pioneered plastic surgery and without her efforts (I mean all natural breasts), we would not have the medical advancement in the feild of plastic surgery).

Dolly sang a couple of songs which were great! I was also able to forgive crazy Oprah for her singing (you know whenever Oprah has a musician on her show and she says she loves cut #1, but when that number us sung Oprah tries to sing the song and it is apparent she has no clue what the words are...that is a nugget if joy). Anyway, today Oprah knew the words. Brava!

My favorite part was when Dolly was singing and the giant screen separated behind her and out came the freakest thing I've ever seen. It was a 70 year old, father of 5 year old twins, plastic surgery all gone wrong King...Kenny Rogers. I have never seen such a freely image.

Let's all take a moment tonight and chant to Oprah that she will put forth all her power and tell Keney to put the knife down!

You might be a hooker if...

Just an observation I had today. You might be a Hooker if you were a black skirt that is so short that I can see your vijayjay with back tights and 8" heels. Just a suggestion for those who are thinking of stepping out of the house wearing an outfit like that, your a hooker and your probably on your way to the prom.

Take me out to the ballgame...

Last weekend, I had the opportunity to go to a AAA baseball game with my son. It was a lot of fun spending the time with my son, that being said, of course I took notes to blog about.

Let's begin...WHF(redrick)! Being at a baseball game is tons of fun! You get to spend a ridiculous amount if money on crappy food and souvenirs. Then you get to sit in a hard seat for slat least 2 1/2 hours watching people crouched over like they are getting a prostate examine in hope (cross your fingers) that one of these overpaid athletes (that last word might be a stretch) might hit a ball. While they are waiting on their bases, they stand their adjusting, fidgeting and grabbing their crotch. Just a thought here. But would it be to much to ask for some company out there to make a girdle that fits?

The other joy that I'd had was having to listen to a bunch of idiots yell at the batter. WTF(redrick)...why would anyone do this? As if the batter could here you in an audience if 8333! Also...who ever thought that those stupid horns were a good idea is an idiot!

I'm Affraid God Won't Recognize Me

Now that I have decided that I need to have plastic surgery, I am conflicted about whether or not to proceed. I recently began thinking about after I die what will become of my hotness. Sure, anything that I put into my body that is plastic will take much longer to decompose. But, we all die and our spirits (that look just like us...even after plastic surgery) goes to heaven.

So...If my plastic surgery sprit goes to heaven, I'm affraid that God won't recognize me. I ask myself, "Will he let me in?" I mean, I would technically be the same person inside...but a lot hotter on the outside.

Your thoughts????