I'm in hell.......

I'm in he'll...can you guess where I'm at? If you guessed the DMV, you'd be correct. So I decided that I needed to by a moped. Unfortunatley, now I have to register it. Where did I go wrong? Wasn't it enough that i supported our crapy economy with this purchase? Apparently not! As a way for the State of Nevada to say thank you, the subject me to a hour in line just to get a numbered ticket. I have to admit that I was found worthy to proceed to the next stage after I presented all the appropriate documentation, promised my first born, and provided a sample of my DNA. I just hope that within another hour, I can get my moped registered.

So that I'm nit just a complainer, I would like to offer some sugguesrions. First, with unemployment hitting 14 percent this month, would it be so hard to get some if the free loaders in here to direct traffic, or better yet, to help serve the public that pays their unemployment? Either way, were paying them. Why nit make them work fir it? Second, cab we gave a DMV fir all the nasty ugly people, and one for all the illegals? Ahhh, they take up so much space in line!

Truth be told, I'd just be happy for some hand sanitized!

My New Mantra

Here is my new mantra that I will live my life by...

All I've ever wanted is to look good naked
Hope someone can take it

Someone please save me from my rejection
From my reflection
I want perfection!

If I throw up....

If I look at you and throw up a little in my mouth, don't get mad. It's just that your so ugly that looking at you causes this physical reasponse!

Like A Prayer...

Today I was waiting to go to church which is at 1:00 (which is death waiting for). So to pass the time, I was watching Meet the Press and This Week. After I drove my family away, I decided to listen to some music on my awsome iPhone. I thought I should listen to something that would be spiritually uplifting and get me in the mood to go to church. Question...does anyone see an issue with my choice of songs "Like a Prayer?". I have to admit that it was not the original and controversial version by Madonnam, but it was the Glee version. So, it must be okay for Sunday listening.

Sexytime...We're so classy......

The other night, my wife and I were going to have a little (wait HUGE) sexytime. I asked her if she wanted some candle light fir romance. Si I paused our T.V. For those of you that don't have Direct TV, it gas a screen saver that is totally hot! After that, she asked if I wanted a massauge, of course I was into it. Then I said I would go get the Pam cooking spray. We're so classy!

Cottage Cheese A@$...Sex and the City

Disclaimer...before you read this, please be advise that you may be offended. Oh who cares, if you follow my blog, ive probably already offended you.

So with the upcoming release of the movie Sexy and the City 2, I have heard reports of department stores gearing up. They are offering huge discounts in anticipation for women to go out and by a new outfit to see the movie, this is for real! Check out your local Macy's...they are partnering with the movie studio who is producing S&C 2 to offer special discounts.

That being said...I would like to give a word of caution to all the ladies out there.

Today, I saw a women who had to be wearing an outfit inspired by S&C. It was a fancy dress and she had what appeared to be at least 6" heals on (wait, may be a hooker. Hmmmmm...). Anyway, when she turned around and I saw her a@$, it was apparent that she did not step into the What Not To Wear 360 degree mirror. No, the dress did not ride up, it was not even to short. It was worse than all of that combined! The dress was painted on her butt. Not just that, it hugged so tight that she looked like she had cottage cheese stuffed in her underwear!

So ladies, as you head out to buy your S&C outfit, do spin around and take a look in the mirror. You want people to think your hot, not blogging about your cottage cheese a@$!

Keney Rodgers...What a hot mess!

Okay let's begin with a confession. I love Oprah! I especially a crazy Oprah.

On with today's rant...

So today I was watching Oprah. She had on another idol of mine Dolly Parton (who we all know pioneered plastic surgery and without her efforts (I mean all natural breasts), we would not have the medical advancement in the feild of plastic surgery).

Dolly sang a couple of songs which were great! I was also able to forgive crazy Oprah for her singing (you know whenever Oprah has a musician on her show and she says she loves cut #1, but when that number us sung Oprah tries to sing the song and it is apparent she has no clue what the words are...that is a nugget if joy). Anyway, today Oprah knew the words. Brava!

My favorite part was when Dolly was singing and the giant screen separated behind her and out came the freakest thing I've ever seen. It was a 70 year old, father of 5 year old twins, plastic surgery all gone wrong King...Kenny Rogers. I have never seen such a freely image.

Let's all take a moment tonight and chant to Oprah that she will put forth all her power and tell Keney to put the knife down!