As part of my annual process of self-evaluation (which is hard since I am fully aware of my greatness), I have come up with my annual list of New Year's Resolutions.
#1. Become More Wealthy: Thanks so Suzie Orman (who is my new Deity), I will follow her adivce implicitly. Thus...I will be more wealthy (that of course is if I don't get fired...Oh...the pressure).
#2. Share more of the Gift: No need to explain.
#3. Become even more sexy: Christmas and New Years have ruined my sexiness. Today, I returned to the gym after a week off and I am going to hit it hard. I gained 10 pounds during this last two weeks. Thus, my new diet. 1 Breakfast Monseter, 1 Lunch Monster, and a Cheerio for Dinner.
#4. Hmmm...I can't think of anything else. Ah PERFECTION!
Friday, January 1, 2010
I'M BACK....HOMELESS PEOPLE MAKE ME SAD
After a long break, I have now come to a new realization of my greatness and the gift (that litterally means me) that I have to share with the world.
On my way to work, I have the great pleasure of passing through my own downtown. It is always to see the women hard at work (i.e. the whores) and all of the crack heads who talk to themselves. On Christmas Eve, I was on my way to work, and I saw lots of homeless people. This really made me sad. Probably not in the conventional way that it would make most weak people feel sad. I just wished that I did not have to look at them. I get living on the street (especially during this difficult time in our economy), but could the city please come and scoop these people off the street for a couple of hours while I am going to work.
No offense to those in need. Afterall, I do support many organizations by writting a check. I write checks so that I don't have to feel all the sadiness in the world. Also...I figure that if I don't have to see it, it really does not exist.
On my way to work, I have the great pleasure of passing through my own downtown. It is always to see the women hard at work (i.e. the whores) and all of the crack heads who talk to themselves. On Christmas Eve, I was on my way to work, and I saw lots of homeless people. This really made me sad. Probably not in the conventional way that it would make most weak people feel sad. I just wished that I did not have to look at them. I get living on the street (especially during this difficult time in our economy), but could the city please come and scoop these people off the street for a couple of hours while I am going to work.
No offense to those in need. Afterall, I do support many organizations by writting a check. I write checks so that I don't have to feel all the sadiness in the world. Also...I figure that if I don't have to see it, it really does not exist.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Another Tale From The Gym.....
Okay...let me set the scene for you... I was again in the sauna at the gym, there were two other guys in there with me. One of the guys was 6 foot 10 inches tall (at least)...(stay with me...that is an important point). As we all were sitting there, this old man came in with a mat.
Initially, I was confused. We were sitting in the dry sauna and the mats are used in the wet sauna. As the old man brought himself and his mat in, he placed it on the floor. I was thinking okay...the old guy wants to stand. That was until he began to do his yoga. Now...don't get me wrong. I frequently am seen stretching in the sauna. After all, this is probably the best place to do so. That being said, there is a common courtesy rule that you stop this when the sauna is full. So...in our case, the old man should not have done his yoga unless there was more room and less people.
Now, the old man placed himself in front of the 6 foot 10 inches tall man. The poor by standard (the 6 ft. + man) was sitting there minding his own business when the old man decided to bend over place his butt face of the 6 ft + man and remain in that position for a good 10 minutes. The 6 ft+ man did not even flinch! I was amazed. I even began to laugh out loud. The old man did not like this apparently...he stared at me through his old man legs. After about 10 minutes of this, the old man stood up. Yes, finally, the awareness would be over. That lasted for about 30 seconds until the old man began to do his hip isolation's! What the CA%()#TU)(GEW^%@? This is not Jazzercise! So I could not take it anymore....I left the sauna for a few minutes.
After cooling off, I decided to go back into the sauna. I opened the door and proceeded to step into the sauna when on the floor directly inside the sauna was the old man laying spread eagle on the floor! AHHHHH............. The morale of the story is...don't do creepy things in public. And, if you are old, you no longer are attractive! You no longer have the right to do crazy creepy things around those of us who are younger and yes...much hotter than you.
The Kings Prayer (that's me if you did not know).... Lord, grant me the ability to tolerate stupid old men who want to do yoga at the gym. Though they are old and have lived longer than I. Please let me tolerate having to look at them in their short shorts spread eagle upon the sauna floor.
r
Initially, I was confused. We were sitting in the dry sauna and the mats are used in the wet sauna. As the old man brought himself and his mat in, he placed it on the floor. I was thinking okay...the old guy wants to stand. That was until he began to do his yoga. Now...don't get me wrong. I frequently am seen stretching in the sauna. After all, this is probably the best place to do so. That being said, there is a common courtesy rule that you stop this when the sauna is full. So...in our case, the old man should not have done his yoga unless there was more room and less people.
Now, the old man placed himself in front of the 6 foot 10 inches tall man. The poor by standard (the 6 ft. + man) was sitting there minding his own business when the old man decided to bend over place his butt face of the 6 ft + man and remain in that position for a good 10 minutes. The 6 ft+ man did not even flinch! I was amazed. I even began to laugh out loud. The old man did not like this apparently...he stared at me through his old man legs. After about 10 minutes of this, the old man stood up. Yes, finally, the awareness would be over. That lasted for about 30 seconds until the old man began to do his hip isolation's! What the CA%()#TU)(GEW^%@? This is not Jazzercise! So I could not take it anymore....I left the sauna for a few minutes.
After cooling off, I decided to go back into the sauna. I opened the door and proceeded to step into the sauna when on the floor directly inside the sauna was the old man laying spread eagle on the floor! AHHHHH............. The morale of the story is...don't do creepy things in public. And, if you are old, you no longer are attractive! You no longer have the right to do crazy creepy things around those of us who are younger and yes...much hotter than you.
The Kings Prayer (that's me if you did not know).... Lord, grant me the ability to tolerate stupid old men who want to do yoga at the gym. Though they are old and have lived longer than I. Please let me tolerate having to look at them in their short shorts spread eagle upon the sauna floor.
r
Tales from the Gym....Yes...Another Story...
So...I have to begin by apologizing. It has been quite a while since I have had anything to blog about. I hope you won't be let down by my new stories.
Last Friday, I was at the gym, and I saw something that I thought was odd. There was a women there in a full on burka. Now...I was thinking when I initially what the crack, because we in Nevada don't typically see people wearing burka's (after all, this is not the middle east). I also was also think that this women must be new to the gym, probably trying things out for the first time (I see this a lot with men...working out in jeans and hiking boots). I did not think much of it until I saw her and her husband back again on Saturday night working out.
What was odd on Saturday is that the women was in the same burka that she wore on Friday night. This lead me to believe that this must be her workout burka. It was nice...not your typical black or gray, but it was leopard print. It kinda reminded me of the 80's when women would wear the leaped leotards with the thong going up their butt. Hmmmm...maybe some have digressed a bit!
Last Friday, I was at the gym, and I saw something that I thought was odd. There was a women there in a full on burka. Now...I was thinking when I initially what the crack, because we in Nevada don't typically see people wearing burka's (after all, this is not the middle east). I also was also think that this women must be new to the gym, probably trying things out for the first time (I see this a lot with men...working out in jeans and hiking boots). I did not think much of it until I saw her and her husband back again on Saturday night working out.
What was odd on Saturday is that the women was in the same burka that she wore on Friday night. This lead me to believe that this must be her workout burka. It was nice...not your typical black or gray, but it was leopard print. It kinda reminded me of the 80's when women would wear the leaped leotards with the thong going up their butt. Hmmmm...maybe some have digressed a bit!
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
I Can't Help It...I Am Better Than Most People!!!!
Today while giving myself my daily affirmation, I realized something...I am better than most people. Its true and it may be hard for each of you to realize while your reading this. There is just something about me that is so great.
Could it be my sexiness, humor, incredible ability to find faults in others? While all of those are tremendous traits in of themselves...combined, I could conquer so much!
Think about it...if everyone in the world read my blog (oh...and gave $1 to our foundation 10,000 strong), not only would people begin to realize how sucky they are, but they would then know what they need to do to improve themselves. Thus...the world we become better because there would be no more stupid people!
Ah...we all can just wish and look forward to that day!
Could it be my sexiness, humor, incredible ability to find faults in others? While all of those are tremendous traits in of themselves...combined, I could conquer so much!
Think about it...if everyone in the world read my blog (oh...and gave $1 to our foundation 10,000 strong), not only would people begin to realize how sucky they are, but they would then know what they need to do to improve themselves. Thus...the world we become better because there would be no more stupid people!
Ah...we all can just wish and look forward to that day!
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
The Jaywalker, Bike Rider, and the Homeless Person....
Okay...let me begin today's rant by saying that in general, I am a happy go lucky type of person. I try to find the best (but mostly worst) in people. I have to say that today...I hate the Jaywalker, Bike Ridder, and the Homeless Person....
To begin with, all three of these individuals I either saw or came into contact with on my way to work today. All have unique situations, but are sooo frustrating to me.
The Jaywalker...
With our economic downturn, I get that people are taking to the oldest form of transportation....their own @)%#&!)%*() legs. Yes, it is exciting to see grown humans using those legs (and feet) that they were born with. While that is exciting, it drives me nuts when those whom are attached to the legs (as yes...the feet) do stupid things.
Have you ever seen a Jaywalker who was breaking the law and you had to resit the urge to speed up? That was me today. I came accross not one, not two, but three speareat Jaywalkers. What makes me so angry is that one feels that they can dis-obey the law and illegally cross the road. But...if I were to hit them by accedient, I could be the one who is cited. Sure, you may feel that if you walk accross the street with enough attitude the world will stop so that you can cross the road. That may all well be good...unless we don't see you!
The Biker Ridder....
This is not an individual whom rides a Harley, but rather a Schwin. Today, I had a person on a bike cut me off and weave in between my car as I was drivin. How insane are these people? I am sure that they don't recognize that I CAN'T SEE YOU IN MY GAS GUSSLING GIANT SUV!!!! Yes...I am proud of my SUV, and I don't care how much gas costs (which I am sure is the motivator for the increase in the bikers on the road). I am going to ruin the envoirorment, expell my carbon, and help increase the giant ficticious hole that is in the ozone.
The Homeless Person....
Don't get me wrong, I feel bad for the homeless. That being said...why do they have to rifle through my garbage (I am not kidding)! As I was pulling out of my drive way, I noticed something that is uncommon for my neighborhood. I homeless person (or one who appeared to be homeless due to their lack of fasion scense) was going through the garbage that was on the curb of all of my neighbors. Has the economly gotten so bad that the homeless now have to come into my neigborhood and pull out all of the alumium cans? This SUCKS!
I did not pay a ton of money for my house (before the crash of the market....) to have homeless people rifling through my garbage. What has the world come to. I thus declare that we all should make a donation today of 1 alumum can to any homeless person on your way home from work tomorrow.
To begin with, all three of these individuals I either saw or came into contact with on my way to work today. All have unique situations, but are sooo frustrating to me.
The Jaywalker...
With our economic downturn, I get that people are taking to the oldest form of transportation....their own @)%#&!)%*() legs. Yes, it is exciting to see grown humans using those legs (and feet) that they were born with. While that is exciting, it drives me nuts when those whom are attached to the legs (as yes...the feet) do stupid things.
Have you ever seen a Jaywalker who was breaking the law and you had to resit the urge to speed up? That was me today. I came accross not one, not two, but three speareat Jaywalkers. What makes me so angry is that one feels that they can dis-obey the law and illegally cross the road. But...if I were to hit them by accedient, I could be the one who is cited. Sure, you may feel that if you walk accross the street with enough attitude the world will stop so that you can cross the road. That may all well be good...unless we don't see you!
The Biker Ridder....
This is not an individual whom rides a Harley, but rather a Schwin. Today, I had a person on a bike cut me off and weave in between my car as I was drivin. How insane are these people? I am sure that they don't recognize that I CAN'T SEE YOU IN MY GAS GUSSLING GIANT SUV!!!! Yes...I am proud of my SUV, and I don't care how much gas costs (which I am sure is the motivator for the increase in the bikers on the road). I am going to ruin the envoirorment, expell my carbon, and help increase the giant ficticious hole that is in the ozone.
The Homeless Person....
Don't get me wrong, I feel bad for the homeless. That being said...why do they have to rifle through my garbage (I am not kidding)! As I was pulling out of my drive way, I noticed something that is uncommon for my neighborhood. I homeless person (or one who appeared to be homeless due to their lack of fasion scense) was going through the garbage that was on the curb of all of my neighbors. Has the economly gotten so bad that the homeless now have to come into my neigborhood and pull out all of the alumium cans? This SUCKS!
I did not pay a ton of money for my house (before the crash of the market....) to have homeless people rifling through my garbage. What has the world come to. I thus declare that we all should make a donation today of 1 alumum can to any homeless person on your way home from work tomorrow.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Please Keep Your Shoes On!
Today, I was surrounded by perhaps one of the most disgusting things I have ever experienced. Yes...experienced! I was once again sitting in the sauna at the gym, and I was surrounded by nasty, disgusting, ugly, uncut, jacked up toes. As I was sitting there, everyone that was around me was in a serious need to cut their toe nails.
Okay...I get it (i.e. not cutting your toe nails) if you are pregnant, morbily obese, or don't have the mental capacity to understand general hygiene and grooming. But for all other individuals, why would you not cut your toes, or kill the fungi, or just have good grooming? If one makes the choice to be nasty...that's fine, but why make us all suffer by having to see the nasty?
I am going to make a declaration today...If you have nasty feet, and you do not want to take care of them...then keep your !#@(*&%@^)_*#@%@#&()U shoes on your feet!
Okay...I get it (i.e. not cutting your toe nails) if you are pregnant, morbily obese, or don't have the mental capacity to understand general hygiene and grooming. But for all other individuals, why would you not cut your toes, or kill the fungi, or just have good grooming? If one makes the choice to be nasty...that's fine, but why make us all suffer by having to see the nasty?
I am going to make a declaration today...If you have nasty feet, and you do not want to take care of them...then keep your !#@(*&%@^)_*#@%@#&()U shoes on your feet!
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